Tis the season

Everything happens for a reason...

My flight home for Christmas was cancelled... but, after being told I wouldn't get another flight out until Monday or Tuesday, I was able to book a flight for the following day.  One less day made a short trip home seem significantly shorter but, fortunately, constraints have a way of creating quality, and I ended up having a really nice, full, fun visit with my family and old friends.

Early on Christmas eve, my brother took me out for coffee at this brewery/cafe housed in an old school building.  It sounded reminiscent of a place I'd heard about in Portland, and a little research confirmed that it was inspired by the McMenamins' business model of repurposing abandoned spaces.  A very cool place with some really great coffee.

On our way into the school/brewery/cafe we walked by some kids sliding down the wide concrete railings alongside the stairs.  The concrete had been worn down enough to be a little slick, so the unsupervised kids were having a blast climbing up and sliding down again and again.  On our way out we decided to try the slide railing ourselves -- it was super fun.  :)

(Is it just me, or are the lights in the photo literally sparkling...?  This is a serious question, I have no idea how that's happening.)

Three things

Scan the world for the positive.

Smart is simple.

Strive for authenticity (watch again). 

so much!

I've been busy and slacking on blogging... so much going on with too much to say and no time to say it.

I'm feeling very distracted right now, but I wanted to get some things down.  Like: 

Fight workshop at the SF Opera (I got my own dressing room!)

Lots and lots of double dates

Her - Skywalker Ranch

Blue Bottle cupping (I had no idea "cupping" was a thing!)

The Hip Hop Dance Fest

Baby Gramps (bad ass)

Red Virgin

White Christmas on stage

Tristan and Yseult 

Awesome Orchestra

...and, so much more... ! 

8 (take six)

November 8th.

My goals for this show:

1. To bring back the magic.
2. To honor my performers.
3. To produce the show at Main Street, where it began.
4. To step it up as a host. 

As I've mentioned before, show 6 was the last one I committed myself to -- the final bow -- the moment to consider what I've learned from the process of producing, to re-evaluate what I'm doing, and to decide if I'll move forward or move on.  I wanted this show to be perfect.

I pulled together a solid lineup:

Sean Sanford
Joan Howard
Audrey Spinazola
David Studebaker
Tom O'Donnell and Matt Waters
Nikolas Strubbe
Traci Bartlow
Trisha Mao

...and, then considered the emotional journey I wanted to create, the tech needs of the different pieces, and what would serve all of those things while maintaining a good flow.

This was the strongest show I've produced.

First, working with the space was a piece of cake.  It was easy to book, communication was good, and Joan was was an amazing partner to me.  The warehouse was ready when we walked in and it looked amazing.

Everyone was either on time for tech, or had communicated clearly when they would arrive.  Tech went off without a hitch, and we were able to open the doors at 7:30, on the dot.

I had Aatman holding things down at the door, and Rob on the sound board, as always -- my two other amazing show partners.

And, then, the show was fantastic.

:)

Napa

My brother and his wife came to visit!

Our adventures included:  Dew tours, Sinaloa, Wii games, Outerlands and Ocean Beach, North Beach and Goorin, Pier 39, House of Prime Rib, Google, Stanford, Mijori, Autumn Lights Festival, Awaken Cafe, Kensington Inn, Muir Woods, LuLu w/ free desserts!, Coppola and bocce, and Truitt and Hearst.  

Aatman and I sent them on our Pescadero cheese, wine, yummy bread, and lighthouse adventure, and then they headed to Big Sur / Monterey / Carmel on their own. 

The visit ended with us all in Napa enjoying the wine, weather, and company...  

Personal brand

"I am a creative problem solver that uses energy + inspiration to move
people to action, creating community and facilitating new
experiences."

That's the rough draft of my personal branding statement. A product
of the Admin Summit.

Butterflies

Aatman and I painted these butterflies at a graffiti battle in Oakland
where we (he) learned to Lindy hop from a woman I didn't realize I had
met 12 years ago at the Jahva house. I asked her, the Lindy hop woman
(whose name was so familiar), to perform in my next show, got her card,
looked her up, and realized that she was the reason I met Alice
Walker, and her work as a photographer had inspired me back when my
mind was freshly being blown by the Bay Area art and culture scene,
and that she is permanently woven into the fabric of my love for
photography and spoken word and fortunate encounters and this deep,
strange beauty that seems to find its way back to me again and again
when I least expect it....

So Cal

I spent 2 weekends in So Cal seeing shows and friends, riding bikes on beaches, meeting new people, and enjoying the heat... The first weekend was a last minute getaway.  The second weekend was for a wedding celebration.

I love the magic that can be found in a weekend (or two) away.

Now, I'm back and busy with work and friends and soccer and shows, and I just started booking the next 8.

"Show 6" is the last one I committed to when I decided to give myself the challenge of producing a series of shows-- though, I will likely fulfill everyone's expectations and complete the run of 8.

I love my job

Yup, it's true.

[I know I've said some of this before, but] I am surrounded by smart, interesting, nice, inspiring people who are creating and defining the future; there's free food, gyms, dance classes, fitness groups, bikes; there's a slide, foosball, ping pong, massages, sleep pods...and, I get to sit on this couch with this droid whenever I want.

They kept saying, "Don't worry, you'll find something great." They were right.

From the book I Wrote This For You

I like this one because I think it speaks to the idea that sometimes you have to show all of your colors in a big way in front of everyone with no fear. You have to let go and dance...and it's such a display of what's inside you and whether it's great or embarrassing, it's still actually really great. It's the bravest thing you can ever do.

Thursday

It's Thursday... and I'm ready for the weekend.  

This week has been incredibly long.  I think it's because I've done so much!  I rode the Google slide, watched a Burning Man film, played soccer, had dinner w/ a recruiter's daughter to talk about theatre, rode some Google bikes, had a great dinner w/ great friends, had lunch in new g/cafes with new friends... 

I've been working hard and playing hard, and it's so tiring but it's so good.  :) 

This time...

I'm three weeks into my new job, and am both loving it and struggling with it.

It's hard wanting to be completely up to speed when that's impossible after only 3 weeks. Patience has never been my strong point...  I've been told I'm learning things very fast, but I'm anxious to be truly settled in.

I do love it, though. I'm inspired and spoiled every day. I'm grateful to be there, working in the future, with such smart, generous, and socially fascinating people. I think I've found my wonderland. :)

I remember being three weeks into my last job; feeling horribly awkward, and having a bird poop on me at lunchtime one day making for some very weird ice breaking conversations. Ah, the days...

This time...this time feels good. :)

The 4th

The 4th was a day to celebrate!  America!  A new job!  And, the one year anniversary for me and Aatman (we met at a bbq last 4th of July)!  :)

We didn't make it to Boston like we'd hoped, but we did make it to a couple of bbqs, a nice dinner, and to see the fireworks on the most beautiful night I think I've ever experienced in San Francisco.  It was a nice day reminiscing about our first day.  :) 

Then, the 6th was Aatman's birthday!  We had a really fun time running all over the city.  We saw the Mime Troupe perform in the park, hit the jazz festival and Japantown, grabbed a delectable dinner at Nihon, and then headed to Raven for some dancing.  So fun!!

This last week, I've been doing my best to prepare to start working again.  The promise of income is endlessly comforting, so I've loosened up the reigns on my budget and done my best to enjoy it.  

July 3rd

"I have a rockabilly waitress, Smashing Pumpkins is trickling through the PA, the woman across from me is picking her afro using the front camera on her iPhone as a mirror, and I'm pretty sure this coffee will make me unstoppable."

-- I posted that on facebook on July 3rd and, immediately after, got a call from Google offering me a new job!!

Yay!!!


So, just to recap...

I was laid off a little over 3 months ago and was officially unemployed for a little over 2 months.

Here's a quick breakdown of what I did during my "time off":

I applied to 38 jobs.
Booked 28 interview appointments and actually spoke to 52 individuals.
Had 9 networking meetings.
5 auditions.
2 modeling shoots.
And, a lot of time sitting in my apartment, reading, and eating PB&J.

The most interesting conversation I had while unemployed was with a guy named... Mike? with whom I spoke about an event modeling job that seemed to pay surprisingly well. It turned out that the job was to work "sexy events"-- so, I'd have to be okay with wearing heels, miniskirts, being friendly, talking to people, flirting, sitting on laps, and allowing some touching. Mike said, if I met a guy at an event who really liked me and wanted me to be his "girlfriend" I could make a lot more money than the initial offer. (...yeah, right?!) I thanked Mike for calling and told him that I wasn't interested in that kind of work. He was really nice and said he understood, and then told me that, as another option, I could recommend people who might be interested...and, as long as they were working, I would get a percentage of everything they made. I said I'd keep that in mind. ...I guess if you don't want to be a prostitute, you can always be a pimp.


I start work at Google a week from today. :) I'm so excited!

Anxious

I have so much on my mind that I can't get through my book... 

Where should I begin? 

I seem to be on the verge of getting a job.  Of course, I've thought that since the moment I got my first interview but, this time, references are being called so it's much more likely to really happen.  I feel like I can't wait, but I'm also very nervous about it. 

And, my Grandma called me the other day to check on my job search.  I called back and there was no answer and she hasn't called back.  It's not a big deal, but I've been thinking about my grandparents a lot lately...  I got to spend some very special time with them over their anniversary weekend and I miss them.
 
Then, yesterday, the guy at the bagel shop, who I've been getting bagels from for like...11 years? told me that both his parents just died so he's moving to LA.  His brother (whom we thought was his dad or maybe an uncle) might not be able to keep running the shop by himself, so he might close it down... :(

I'm sitting at Starbucks trying to read a book, and I can't get through a page without my mind flooding with so many things...  Meanwhile, I've been watching a guy with a clipboard alternate between being ignored or completely confronted by the people on the street, while a very loud, deep voiced business woman talks on the phone next to me. 

It's 80 degrees on a Friday in Oakland and I'm feeling consumed by everything around me. 

Creative self portrait 1

I was thinking my next post would be, "Hey, I have a job!", but no such luck...

But, Aatman is home -- YAY!!!

I haven't had a chance to spend too much time with him yet, but we're hoping to remedy that very soon.

I'm actually not sure what else to say.  I've been very fortunate to find some free/cheap things to do in the last couple weeks, and have seen friends here and there, but my days have been pretty lonely.  I'm only pursuing the companies I'm really interested in at this point, which has drastically slowed down my interview schedule.

I've been reading a lot, taking walks to get coffee, watching squirrels jump through the trees and scurry along telephone lines, and just continuing to listen to the sounds of my neighborhood...  

Broken record

It's always darkest before the dawn... but, how dark does it actually have to get?  

I'm winding down on conversations and feeling a bit frustrated.  I keep getting these really nice rejection letters making it sound like I was their second choice... Not just "We enjoyed meeting you, but decided to move forward with someone else, good luck...", but, this:  

"After a long deliberation we have decided to move forward with another candidate at this time. I think you are a great candidate and could be a perfect fit for another position in the future. I strongly urge you to reapply and I will keep your resume around for more openings as I think you could be a great addition to the team."  :P  

One of these lovely notes said that, even though the team decided to go with someone else, their feedback on me was very positive, so the company would like me to interview with a another one of their teams.  

I suppose, as far as rejections go, these are the ones I want to have... ?  Yes, these are the ones I want to have.... 

Staying hopeful, moving forward, and going to give it my all in round 2.  Keep sending love, though, cause I definitely need it.  

Plenty of fish...

I'm driving home one night, and I notice that my email says my Match.com registration has been approved... ?  And then, my profile edits have been received and my profile has been approved.  ...but, I'm driving and I never signed up for Match.  ?  I get home and immediately request my login information, which is easy to get since my email address was used.  I open my account to discover that I'm a 46 year old woman from Arizona...  I have no picture, and my description says something like, "I'm just on here because I thought I might as well give it a shot.  I like to eat ice cream and watch movies... " etc.  This is obviously a mistake.  ...and, strangely, a mistake that has a password similar to the ones I use... ?  I have the power, so I cancel the account.  Done.

I chat Aatman to tell him what happened and, as we're chatting, I get a confirmation from POF (Plenty of Fish) that my account has been set up.  This time, my user name is Ihaveaboyfranalready... UGH!  I have been hacked!!  I start to change passwords, check privacy settings, freak out...!

I am, again, able to get into POF because my email address was used, so I get the link to set up a new password and try to figure out how to delete the account.  The cancellation page informs me that I have to wait 24 hours before I can cancel.  GRRRR!  In the meantime, even though my user name is Ihaveaboyfranalready, I start getting messages.... :P

....there's a moment, when it dawns on me, that maybe someone who disapproves of my relationship is doing this to terrorize me....

....and then, it dawns on me, that maybe Aatman has done this to be funny.  I ask him, and he says something about Clark Kent and Superman and, after some confusing back and forth, admits that he set up POF for me as a joke.  He asks if I've read the profile.  Of course, I haven't because I've been busy thinking I've been HACKED!!!

!!!!!

Aatman assures me that he didn't set up the Match profile, and starts apologizing profusely for making me feel hacked and terrorized.  He thought I'd get it right away because he made my POF password "gooniessux"... which is a joke between us because Aatman hates Goonies and I think it's one of the best movies of all time.  :P  ...but, since POF sends the link to set up a new password, rather than sending the password created, I never got the obvious giveaway.  BAH!

The whole thing is incredibly annoying to me-- until the next day when I start reading my POF profile.  Aatman filled the profile with cute references to our relationship, including a description of our first date as my "ideal first date".  There were a number of sweet statements about how great we are together.

...he manages to win me over every time... :)

*heart*

Red

Welcome to unemployment week 4.  It's been a crazy journey.  I've started a newsletter for friends and family who check in frequently because I can't remember who I've told what, and forgetting to tell Aatman something while repeating it over and over to my mom is just frustrating for everyone.

If you're reading this and would like to be added to the newsletter... let me know.

I keep thinking I'm close to the end, and then a curve ball is thrown at me and I feel back at the beginning again.  I get excited about a place, and then it's just not the right fit.

I have no idea how long this will go or how it will end, which makes me nervous because I'm not sure how much longer I can do it... but, I know I just have to keep going until something lands.

*sigh*

At what point do I take a job to have a job... ? 

Bottle #20

I just went up and down these stairs for 20 minutes.  After about 10 minutes, the flawed stair became my favorite.  Around the same time, a homeless man in the garden started making bird calls with his hands.  On my last flight, the homeless man gave me a subtle smile and peace sign. 

:)

Decisions

One thing I learned doing sales is it's all about the numbers -- if you make the calls, you'll make the numbers.  I made the calls...  

It's weird going from anxiety dreams about not having anything, to anxiety dreams about making the right decisions.  ...and, how making the wrong decisions might mean going back to the first stage of anxiety dreams. 

My hood

I love my neighborhood.  I've been experiencing it in a very different way over the past couple of weeks and this picture seems to "represent"...  :)

~

I've had 12 formal interview appointments since my last day of work.  In some cases I've had multiple interviews during these appointments and in some cases it was a 2nd or 3rd conversation but, needless to say, it's been a lot.   ...and, this is not to mention interspersed random recruiter calls, networking meetings, and multiple conversations with an old friend who wants to be my new financial advisor...  AND, frequent check-ins with my brother, boyfriend, mom, and one of my best friends.  It's all been good, but it's been crazy.  I'm very ready for the search to be over, but I feel like I still might be a couple weeks out... maybe more?  (God, please don't let it be much more...)

In the meantime, I have started trying to have fun on a budget.  I luckily happen to know people who find things, or get me into things that I love, for free.

One of those things was Black Watch, a relatively expensive show that came to the Bay Area that I had to see...but wasn't sure I could justify paying for while on unemployment.  Fortunately, I happen be on the list of a quite lovely PR friend of a friend who was able to get me comp tickets to the show...!!!  ...and it was perfection!!  It was also just an incredible treat in the middle of a frustrating time.  :)

I've also had the chance to check out some free live music, a cheap indie film night where I got to see a film I worked on, a party in the city, a night at the bar without drinks (though, I do that all the time), and the Greek Festival.  I did splurge and go see The Great Gatsby in 3D for the beginning of a friend's birthday night last night...but, I feel like I've been doing pretty good with my budget.  I still spend a lot of time at home these days, but it's not been so bad, especially because I've been exhausted.  

You are not your job....

I'm watching fight club....which always makes me weirdly proud of my simple lifestyle and the fact that I've never invested in things like curtains.  ?  It also makes me re-fall in love w/ stage combat and, at the moment, feel better about not having a job.  ... not that it changes my desire for one, but it makes me just feel less stressed out I guess.  Which is nice.  

I am Jill's exhausted motivation.

I had two interviews today, both of which were very strange.... I had hoped to end the day with an offer, an acceptance, a job, and a plane ticket to surprise Aatman on a study break, but instead I'm feeling very unsure and like the race has maybe just begun.  Dammit.  

~

Jessica treated me to a punk rock show over the weekend and we happened to run into some old Mass friends while we were there.  It's weird to realize we've all grown up.  Was it really 10 years ago when we were in the thick of The Mass?  When I could screw up every local punk/metal/noise band's name as a vaguely recognizable rendition of the actual name because that was my life... ? 

First Friday

I feel like I've been unemployed for forever, but it's been like 3 days.... (and, only two of those were business days.)

I've had two great interviews and I'm being called back for both.  I have an additional call back from an interview I did a week ago, a new interview booked, and a new interview pending.  I feel....good?  I'm still nervous but, so far, I'm getting call backs for all of my interviews, so I think that's good.

(I just discovered that I'm writing about interviews in audition terms, which is weird -- especially because I find interviews to be a piece of cake compared to auditions... Oh, wait, I also mix up "half time" and "intermission", and "practice" and "rehearsal", so I guess it's not that weird.)

Last night I went out and had fun for the sake of having fun for the first time in about a month.  The purpose wasn't friend encouragement or support, networking, or soccer, it was just fun.  And free fun!  I dusted off my bike, pumped up the tires, and rode down to First Friday to meet Vasilia.  We wandered through the maddening, fascinating crowds of Bay Area'ns into galleries and warehouses packed with sculptures, paintings, handmade jewelry and clothes, food, DJs...and all of the little, big, weird wonderful things that make the Bay Area so freaking special.

:)

I needed that.  

Freedom?

It's weird to have a sense of total freedom and total urgency simultaneously -- especially when the weather outside is exceptional. 

It's my first day of unemployment. 

I woke up, made sure to connect with a few people, had a great interview, and went for a walk to get a bagel and coffee...now I'm laying in my papasan next to an open screen door just listening to my neighborhood.  I kind of want to drag the papasan out onto the balcony, but I'm afraid I'll fall asleep and wake up with spiders all over me... 

These two...

My family gathered in Illinois to celebrate my grandparent's 65th wedding anniversary last weekend.  We drove them up to Chicago, took them on a carriage ride through downtown, and to a fancy dinner at The Signature Room at the top of the John Hancock Tower.  It was an incredible celebration for a couple that knows what it's like to really love someone for a lifetime.  

I admire my grandparents so much...

The next adventure

I wake up with an achy jaw from anxiety dreams and wonder what's next, as my pulse races and the stress tightens in little balls along my neck...  I realize that my privileged life has led me to believe that I am in a crisis situation right now.  But, I still have a roof over my head, money coming in, a great resume, great references...and could probably find a job tomorrow if my only objective was just to survive.

We live in a time when we're supposed to follow our dreams, move forward, find work that we love.... and, in this time, we're not allowed to settle for anything less than our dreams will allow.  ....but, what if my dream job just offered me half of my present salary?  And, a not so dreamy job would afford me the lifestyle that I prefer and enjoy?  What then...?  Especially when there are no guarantees.... 

In the meantime, it never ceases to amaze me how generous people can be. 

Ay me! sad hours seem long.

It's been two weeks since I was laid off and I haven't gotten nearly enough done.  Time feels simultaneously fast and slow (but more slow) and I feel like I'm very aware of the moments as they tick by....

I miss my boyfriend, my stability, spending money freely.... ending sentences without ellipses....

....but, I know I just need to get my butt out there and make it happen....

Scrubs:

This guy

Aatman -- caught in an unintended model pose.... I hit the capture button sooner than he expected.  :)

It's been a week and a half and I already miss him like crazy.  I'm not sure how I'm supposed to make it through the next 10 + weeks without him, but when he comes back we're going on an anniversary/birthday (his) trip to Boston, so I'm hanging on to thoughts of a nice celebration once all of this is over.  I can't wait until we're in each others arms watching the fireworks on the 4th of July....

Aatman went to MIT, so he's anxious to show me around campus, take me to the best sushi in Boston, and show me all of the murals he's worked on, among countless other things he'd like to do while we're there.  :)

I have an impressively smart and talented boyfriend whom, I have to admit, also knows how to spoil me, take care of me, make me laugh, make me feel secure, inspire me, challenge me, and just hold me in the most perfect way.

I'm anxiously awaiting his return.... 

Sometimes things change, just that fast...

The film went into final shooting two weeks ago (...or was that forever ago, like it feels -- and, have I said much about the film?) with rehearsals and fight training 3 to 4 days/nights a week for a month or so prior in preparation. It was a demanding schedule to maintain alongside a day job -- not to mention playing soccer, spending time with Aatman, seeing other friends, and just regular life things like doing laundry and buying cat litter...

The film ended last Saturday after a long day at the beach.  I left dirty and tired, but incredibly grateful for a challenging and invigorating experience in independent film.  I learned so much working with Ashley (our director) and am anxious to see the final product.  Aatman thinks it's my best work so far, from what he's seen.

I went straight from the beach to Aatman's place to clean up and head out for a double date with Aatman's friend John and his girlfriend Lily. I was exhausted, but we had a fun night.

On Sunday, I took Aatman out for a day of Bay Area love that started with a quick stop at the wave organ and then brunch at the beach.  It was his last full day in town before heading home for almost three months to study for his medical board exams, so we planned to spend every second together exploring and enjoying ourselves.  We headed to Sausalito for the afternoon, and then back into the city for oysters at Hog Island in the Ferry Building.  We ended the day with the sunset and a view of the bridge on Treasure Island where we did a little ritual we created to help us through our time away.  We even caught a bit of the Bay Lights on our way out of town....

Aatman left for Dallas on Monday so, after a few extremely full weeks, I felt like my entire schedule was suddenly open.  I was thinking I'd take advantage of the time by starting new projects, working on the next 8, and catching up with friends -- but, then, Tuesday I was told my job was being eliminated. 

....and, back in the race again.  

I have so much on my mind and so much to do in the next few days.  But, (according to Aria) everything is under my control...and, from a certain perspective, it is.

I have to have faith that everything will work out  ...and, I have to remember that, right now, things are great...

*breathe*

A view I once loved...

They would open the side of the restaurant to the walkway in the summertime.  I remember standing there, watching people walk the mall in the rain with their umbrellas glistening....  I would lose myself in the passing silhouettes -- breathing deep and wondering...what was I doing waitressing in the middle of downtown Denver...?  Everything would shimmer in the afternoon rain.  The buildings, the street, the passers by.... It was a summer full of sleepless nights and cigarettes, and the kind of mismatched company that could land you in any corner of the city...if you were willing to tag along.

"...And if only it was that easy with you by my side, and creepy eyes staring at me over a milkshake with the whipped cream piled too high, and a pitch in my voice that I don't recognize because the atmosphere provided more stimulation than was expected.  And I could hear myself trying to leave but my ass was glued to a plastic chair in a toxic diner in the middle of a city I can't remember how I got to.  And now, on fate is all I can rely....or is it faith....or lack of sleep.".

- Wednesday, August 16, 2000, 5:07am

A local adventure

A quick stop for fresh artichoke garlic herb bread, a visit to a goat farm for the most yum inducing goat cheese, and a lovely picnic at a lighthouse complete with wine and a blanket to keep us warm -er.  To keep us warmer -ish?  It was pretty cold, but completely worth it.  :)

My relationship has its ups and downs, but the ups. are. exceptional. 

to write.

It hasn't come over me in a long time -- the need...though, it's achingly familiar.  I remember, how I used to have to write.  On the sides of coffee cups.  On napkins.  On my leg propped up on a bar...

Right now, I want to write...but, I'm not sure what to say...


"Nothing in the world is how it should be,

It's cold, cruel.

But then there's us. 

It doesn't matter where we're from,
what we've done, or survived.
Or even if we make a difference.

We live as if this place were what it should be,
to show it what it can be.

You may not be a part of it yet,
but we hope you will be."

- The Role Traversal, From Monument To Masses

Eight, take 5

Ah, yes... take 5.

First of all, I had 7 fl oz Coronitas at this show for a $4 donation each (along side regular sized beers for the same donation) and didn't realize it until I was unpacking the leftover beer into my fridge around midnight that night.  Crap.  If you are reading this, and you are one of the people who got a tiny Corona for $4... I apologize.  

We went back to Cyclone for number 5.  

Cyclone is an incredible space.  

...I feel like I tend to get confirmation on Cyclone a little closer to the show date than I prefer, however, which puts a lot of pressure on my lineup -- but, these brave performers stepped up to the plate:  

Jessica Gruner 

Sara Kraft 

Keenan Williams 

Alex Koll

Gigi Benson

David Madwin

Josh Pollock

Agatha Rupniewski and crew 

This show was polarizing and challenging -- it pushed boundaries, was exhausting, and impressive.

It was a crazy but successful night... ! 

Rob ran his ass off doing sound, lights, etc... I had Christina, Jose, and Monty behind the bar (Monty generously donated wine for this show!), Aatman managed the door, and Bob ran the house.  

I sold out at 80 tickets.  People danced before we started and during the intermission.  I told a very long story to kill time during one of the setups, and the program was wrong and I forgot to explain it.  

Whew, and I thought 5 it would be easy... 

I'm anxious to see what 6 will bring.  

;) 

Show day

I always have the same feelings on the day of a show... I generally start with wondering why I do this to myself -- and, then, my mind runs rampant through scenarios of how the night will go.  I consider all of the possibilities:  the success, the failure, the peace I tend to find on stage once I'm finally there, the way my hands will likely shake until that moment.... 

I put 80 tickets on the books this time and I've sold out....and, I have a bunch of people who still want to come.  

There's a moment when I realize that my hunger for the sale means I'll need to deliver on that sale.  I don't tend to see that moment until it happens, which is why this project has been so successful, and why this moment feels so daunting.  

All the things I haven't said...

No, not really. 

...but, I will tell you that I am well underway in planning the next Eight, which will take place on next Friday.  The 8th.

...and, that my birthday was really nice. :)  I was surrounded by the best kind of friends -- for which I am endlessly grateful.

~

In the last few years, I've discovered that I'm either not good at throwing birthday parties (last minute random plans that half of the people I invite can't make), or super amazing at throwing birthday parties (managing to pull together an awesome 10 act show in a very raw space in two weeks flat...and, that should probably say "party") and, either way, the friends who share it with me make my day.

Aatman took me out for a post-birthday night on the town that was full of delicious food and rich culture -- my favorite kind of night on the town :)  ...and did you see the picture he drew for me?  It's beautiful...and, a weird feeling to find yourself completely impressed, kind of embarrassed, and very proud all at the same time.  (It was a pencil drawing of a photo he took of me.)  He's amazing.

Oh, and me and Mel saw Reggie Watts perform at the Independent!  The show was good and the night was awesome.  I completely overbooked myself and magically got everything done with ease, and in great company... I love that!

And! Troublemaker at Berkeley Rep was fricken fantastic!!  ;)  A quirky, lovable, stylized accomplishment in pushing the limits of the teenage vernacular while addressing the forces of our modern day society.  Committed, over the top performances that ROCKED, and a good look at growing up.  

2013

I rang in the New Year with a glass of champagne and a glow stick, dancing to a favorite song while kissing my favorite man.

Thirteen has always been a lucky number for me.

:)


Things to remember in 2013:

A bathroom light switch on the outside can be an endless source of entertainment.

Wishes are important.

Miscommunications in the middle of the night might make you laugh until you cry.

There's nothing wrong with skipping a few activities to relax.

You can do so much in a day.

You may find that someone who drives you crazy will be someone you don't want to be without...

The Mayans weren't fortune tellers, they were artists.

It's always worth it to face your fears.

There's a distinct difference between Vegas-like and Vegas-style.

If you look good together and seem happy, people will think you are newly married.

A science museum may be perfect for a rainy day.

Sometimes the translation is right in front of you.

Comedy, sunsets, big band music, and sandwiches are good choices.

Karaoke, piano bars, art auctions, and slot machines are hit or miss.


Moonlight on water can take your breath away.

Some Islamic people might be mistaken for ninjas.

And, finally, it's not the tequila bottle, it's the gesture.

;)