And now...

I need to remember to order decaf Americanos.

I'm sitting here, with no contacts in or glasses on, looking at my computer screen thinking I'm more tired than I am because of my blurred vision.  Strange how not being able to see clearly has that effect.  On me, anyway...

I'm wearing pink silky pajama bottoms with embroidered flowers on them, a blue VS Pink sleep tank (silk screened with the little dog and the number 80 because VS knows that reference to sports and dogs while you're sleeping is totally sexy), black slipper socks that are big and fuzzy with the anti-slip traction on the bottom, a brown shrug, and the bear hat Sky made for me.  I am warm.  ...and, I'm guessing I look kind of crazy. 

I can't sleep! 

My head is full of possibilities and unanswered questions.  My calf muscles are SO SORE after soccer practice yesterday, and the game today, that I'm seriously wondering how I will walk tomorrow.  The balloon in my apartment that says, "Congratulations!" seems to confuse my cats.  The coffee from this afternoon is lingering in my veins. 

it's almost 3am and I am now drinking wine...

Poker party, Edwardian Ball, and Birthday

My friends at the warehouse have decided to create a series of Wild West Poker Parties complete with western character dealers, special guest performers, and a bar fight/duel that I helped choreograph and direct!  :)  SO FUN!  The first party had low attendance, due to lack of advertising and the rain, but we have high hopes for the next one!!  I'm weirdly excited about this project because the characters are great, the space looks amazing, and it's soo much fun to work on the fight!! 

...and then, the Edwardian Ball... :)  Gabriella invited me and her friend Shelly over for dinner before the ball.  Shelly had planned to bring dinner, but had some complications last minute, so Gabriella whipped up a delightful pasta dish that had me almost busting out of my corset -- soooo good!!  After dinner, Morgan (Gabriella's husband), drove us to the ball in his awesome old car (I have no idea what it's called, but it was *singit* awesome!), dropped us off at the door because it was raining, and then found us later for the muzak!  After the show, we roamed around the ballroom, shopped at the booths downstairs, and then headed back out into the rain.  Fun night!  I tend to go a little steam punk to the ball because I'm not really a good ... Edwardian.  ?  ... but steam punk's cool, and (as a side note) I've discovered that I love having really big hair.  

And, my birthday...

For years I would count on my boyfriend at the time to occupy my birthday making it a good excuse for me to not have to plan anything...but in the last few years I've been single and have made attempts to get my lovely friends together to celebrate.  Actually, the first year I did this, Josh and I were still together when I started planning a very simple movie night/bar get together for my birthday -- but then Josh and I broke up before the actual day, so I ended up being single for the event... it was like I knew... (haha, no... i don't know *shakeshead*).  

Anyway, I really did want to start celebrating with my friends more, so last year I decided to go all out and do the most daring thing I could think of that would include all of my friends from all of their different places. I threw a giant party/show -- AND, after years of not inviting people to my performances because it makes me so nervous, I decided to perform at the party/show.  It was amazing, but one of the most stressful things I've ever done.  

This year, I wanted something simple. Michael, one of my best friends, offered to take me out to dinner and a show.  (Side note: When I first met Michael, I tried to take him out to a comedy show one night, and when we arrived at the venue there was no comedy going on... at all.  He's been giving me a hard time about that ever since... :) ) For my birthday, Michael and I decided to finally see a comedy show together!!  It was awesome. :D  

I still wanted to celebrate with the rest of my friends, but wasn't sure what that would look like... so, I put off planning anything until a few days before when a handful of friends started asking me what we were going to do for my birthday.  I ended up inviting my close friends to an acrobats show the night before, and then to the piano bar near my house.  It turned out to be perfect.  My last minute planning made the attendance low, which made it great for me to really get to hang out with the people who were there, and it was sooo fun!!  On the day of my birthday, Josh also took me to brunch and to see a matinee movie.  :)

My friend Alex said he would drive me home after the piano bar because I had had one drink and was wasted.  :)  His friend Brian was with us, and when I was drunkenly complaining about being 37, Brian said, "Alex, is she sh*tting me?  She's not 37..."  I actually love it when people talk about me like I'm not there...(it's true!)  When Alex confirmed that I was, in fact, 37, Brian said (to me, this time), "In the two times I've met you, there has not be one moment when it has even crossed my mind to consider that you were not 24."  ...yes, I am writing this to make myself feel better about being SUPER OLD!!  :P  

To another year!

*clink*

This is a picture from the DNA lounge on an all ages night.  Once I got past the fact that I was probably dancing next to a few 18 year olds, I had so much fun... !  :) 

I find myself in these moments thinking, "I'm too old for this..." and then, "Ah, what the hell -- "  haha.  :D

~~~~~~~~

Theater I need to mention:

Bring It On the Musical was FANTASTIC!!!  It was pure fun, and one of the most beautifully lit shows I think I've ever seen.  I'm not a fan of the Bring It On movies, but the live performance with the cheerleading stunts, dancing, incredible actors (who were all gorgeous, by the way) was exquisite. 

Then, Wilde Bride... !!!  A completely physical, rhythmic, dark, charming journey through ... life.  Deep and lovely and, a bit ineffable.  Blew my mind -- SO GOOD!!

I also need to mention Ratcreek, the show I ran the lights for last week.  I guess the director is known for working with senior citizens, people in recovery, and people with mental illnesses -- which, turns out, makes for some pretty remarkable performers!  There was such a raw beauty in the people in the show.  I loved the crazy poetic writing, the outrageous make-up, and the exceptional use of trash.  Really creative comedic direction... so inspiring!!!

Light

This week I've had the opportunity to run the light board for a small fringe show at the Exit. Jennyb is the designer on the show and thought it'd be a good opportunity for me to learn. I've. Learned. So. Much. ! I had no idea how much work it would be to just run the board. ...though, this is an old board where you have to do all the cues manually, so a little more difficult that what most theaters probably have today. Such an incredible experience. Completely different than performing. I'm exhausted.

:)

After the Goldrush

Well, I dreamed I saw the knights
In armor coming,
Saying something about a queen.
There were peasants singing and
Drummers drumming
And the archer split the tree.
There was a fanfare blowing
To the sun
That was floating on the breeze.
Look at Mother Nature on the run
In the nineteen seventies.

I was lying in a burnt out basement
With the full moon in my eyes.
I was hoping for replacement
When the sun burst thru the skies.
There was a band playing in my head
And I felt like getting high.
Thinking about what a
Friend had said
I was hoping it was a lie.

Well, I dreamed I saw the silver
Space ships flying
In the yellow haze of the sun,
There were children crying
And banners flying
All around the chosen ones.
All in a dream, all in a dream
The loading had begun.
Flying Mother Nature's Silver seed to a new home in the sun.
Flying Mother Nature's Silver seed to a new home in the sun.

Hammertime :D

I got back to the Bay the day after Christmas with a week off and nothing on my calendar. ...yeah, completely daunting for me of endless plans...  I spent the first night unpacking and relaxing but, by mid-afternoon the next day, I had a decently full calendar of movie nights, Moma, a visit to an underground wine bar, a day in Tilden/Jack London Square, NYE stuffs, and brunches, etc. 

I have to say, going to SFMOMA with Gabriella = one of the most enjoyable times I've ever had in a museum.  :)

I've discovered (in my relatively relaxing last minute plans) that I don't like being alone ... and, it turns out that I like having people over.  ?  ...and, chill days just wandering around are completely delightful.  

My favorite moment from NYE was Alex racing James down the hill in Dolores Park.  Alex totally bit it.  :D

I feel like tomorrow will be painful but, what the hell...  :)  Bring it on 2012!

2012

In 2011:

I pushed boundaries, faced fears, attempted dating (sort of), tried to make healthy choices, produced shows, had an identity/existential/midlife crisis (also, sort of), did everything i could fit into my schedule, went to europe, fought, danced, auditioned, performed, had adventures, saw many shows, laughed, cried, dreamed, hoped, played...

In 2012:

I hope to continue what I did in 2011, but I'd like to add pacing and more peace in solitude in 2012.  ...and subtract the crisis and overactive desire to do everything...