Joy

This little cutie turned 2 on November 12th. 

On the night we celebrated Joy's birthday, while the adults were still greeting each other and catching up, Joy stood up on this chair and, almost seeming to no one but herself, exclaimed, "I'm so happy!" 

My favorite conversation with Joy during my last visit was about her playing pickle-ball. Every time we'd ask her if she played pickle-ball she'd say, "Yeah.". My 4 year old nephew, Joshua, would then go into a fit about how she's just a baby and doesn't play pickle-ball! After which we'd ask her if she played pickle-ball again, and she'd say, "Yeah.". I would find quiet moments to connect with her and whisper, "Pickle-ball..." and she'd look at me and whisper back, "Pickle-ball..." and then smile. 

My middle name is Joy. When my brother and his wife discovered they were having a girl, they asked if I would mind if they named her Joy. 💗

Clown theory

A few years ago, a co-worker and I were tasked with creating an internal sites page. At the time of the request, our team had reached an all time high with our stress levels, which had led to us finding silly ways to cope, and included a day where I used the word "supposably" in place of "supposedly" for hours (through a full team meeting and an entire crew call), to bring some kind of levity to the insanity. The mis-use of the word was confusing at first, and then funny, and then got pretty annoying I think, and then managed to reach a level of humor that we didn't know was possible. :) It reminded me of this clown theory my friend Joan (who's a clown) had told me about regarding the power of humor in repetition. 

All of this to say, we decided to name our sites page the "Producer Clown Theory of Masterful Operations"; headlining the page with a quote I made up based on the result of the "supposably day" that also seemed to be reflective of parts of our job and what I remembered from the clown theory.

"The act of repetition: moving from humor through pain and back to an absurdly, wonderful delight." 

- Anonymous K (by way of Joan the clown)

We, of course, thought the naming convention and the quote was brilliant and hilarious and completely relevant. 

Our manager didn't seem to have a strong reaction to the page name at first, but, over time, it became pretty clear that she wasn't a big fan. She would find ways to bring up gentle criticisms of the page, other ways it should be executed, and eventually just wanted a different resource all together. The information on the page was good, but the name seemed to make her pretty uncomfortable -- and, in the process of trying to get rid of it, she had to say it over and over while doing her best to hide her discomfort. Which. Was. Perfection. 😁

The page is now deprecated, though still internally searchable, and still bringing me endless amounts of joy. 😂

Family time

Family time, during a pandemic, in Colorado where they aren't afraid of the pandemic...? Oh, Colorado... :) though, to their credit, the count there is very low.

And, what a wonderfully healing trip.

I am so very fortunate that I have a loving family that always welcomes me and is happy to see me. We don't always agree and we're definitely not perfect, which makes it that much more special.

💗  

Collabor8

8/8/2020.

I had been rolling around the idea of evolving 8 into a collaboration project since the Moonlight at the Treehouse party but (as mentioned in that post) it was a puzzle I couldn't seem to solve.

Then, at the beginning of this year, I heard something in an audio book that struck me. "Forge new relationships between unrelated things. Seeing novel connections is the cardinal feature for creativity and is essentially human." It wasn't meant to be a quote, but it did somehow reinforce this idea I loved around the beauty in finding new, creative ways to connect.

I started to shop ideas about the project to artist friends of mine. Would they be willing to let me pair them with someone to create an 8 minute piece on stage? How much time would they need to work with that person beforehand? What was exciting about it? What was scary? The answers I got varied to a degree that made it seem difficult to move forward, but I started looking for possible venues anyway. "If you build it, they will come." ? 8.8.2020 was on a Saturday and was the perfect date for this event.

Then the pandemic hit.

I went through phases of giving up on the show entirely, to thinking it might be easier to find a venue now 😜, to brainstorming on safe and creative ways to do the show outdoors, to considering the possibility of making it fully digital... But, without a clear idea of the course of the pandemic, it was hard to make a plan.

Then, on Wednesday, July 15th, I was looking at the calendar and realized it might be possible to pull together a digital show by August 8th if I made some decisions and acted on them immediately.

A couple of days later, I sent out an email to 88 performers to see if I could get any interest.

"I thought of you because I'm hoping to put together a collection of artists to do an unexpected collaboration with another artist. It will be a digital undertaking, and will require the delivery of an 8 minute video of the collaboration. 

Here's my vision: 

Once I have a list of interested artists, I'll look for combinations and make connections. Then each pair will have 2 weeks to create a video in whatever way they choose; committing to delivering an 8 minute piece to me by the end of two weeks. I'll stitch the footage together to create a show that I will release online. 

This will be a challenge and an opportunity to bring different disciplines and people together to create something special, and to ultimately/hopefully break down barriers and bring a diverse audience together around art, which feels really relevant to me, especially right now."

I got 22 committed performers in 3 days, and we were on our way.

My friend, Michael, suggested that I create a live viewing party for the launch of the show. A livestream! A great idea. But, then I had to learn how to livestream.... and, actually, I didn't know how to do video editing to put the work together to present it as a show, and how was I going to introduce this show?

"When you want something; all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." - Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Casey called to tell me he wasn't interested in the project but he wanted to say hi and catch up, and in the course of the conversation he mentioned he'd been livestreaming from home. He had great tips and was willing to give me a tutorial. Then, a bunch of friends jumped in to help me with in-the-moment testing and troubleshooting until I felt confident in running the stream. And, then, my dear friend (filmmaker/director), Ashley, called to catch up, and I realized that she would the perfect editor for the show. She agreed to help, and did incredible work putting the show together, convincing me to get on camera to introduce the show, and being a patient and professional collaborator (for me!) on the final product. It was such a delight to work with her, and I couldn't have asked for a better partner. 

Collabor8 went live on 8.8.2020 at 8pm to YouTube, with live chat enabled to give the artists an interactive experience. 

I'm so grateful for these brave artists. We ended up with 10 pieces, so approximately 80 minutes of work, showcasing a wide range of styles and content. 💗

Anna and Audrey
Nik and Lenny
Michael and Trisha
Larry and Lorraine
Joan and Skorpio
Allison and Ruth
Sean and Kara
Ross and Gigi
Josh and CoiCoi
Julie and Maria

Perspective

A shift in perspective can bring beauty to what otherwise might seem stark... with, the tiniest remembrance of what was.

In the last 4 months, I've learned to slow down, to cook (some things, kind of), to face my abandonment issues head on, to work at home, to workout at home, to make sure I get outside daily, to ride my actual bike (no more SoulCycle), to do abbreviated silks work from the pull up bar in my kitchen... I've fallen in love and... out of love ? "...out of [his] favor, where I am in love..." and I've gone on little adventures. Ocean beach, McLeren Park, Treasure Island, Point Reyes, an off road trail in Marin, Pacifica, Sutro Reserve, Stockton, Carmel, Monterey, the Golden Gate Bridge, flying w/ Robin, Calistoga, Stinson Beach, Stockton, Stockton, Stockton, Stockton.... (Stockton was becoming a bit more of a routine than an adventure, but it did feel far away...)

And now...

How am I'm supposed to keep moving forward during a pandemic with a broken heart?

I received a postcard that said, "May this message bring you whatever small peace is needed at this moment!", and it did. And then, a follow up text talked about committing to art without worrying about outcomes. The inspiration from these two timely messages launched me straight into a spinoff project of Ei8ht -- a passion project I'd been wanting to pursue called Collabor8.

Perfect.

...wish me love... 💜

Wounds

I went over the handle bars of my bike on a steep hill in SF. I scraped both elbows, my right hand and my right shoulder. I also have a giant bruise on my left thy, a smaller bruise on my left knee, and a few other scrapes on my belly, chest, palms, and shins. 

Wounds don't heal in a linear way. Strange aches and sharp pains emerge unexpectedly throughout the healing process, all while the injury remains fragile and susceptible to re-injury. But, even with the continued pain, it's still a forward moving process. Though, it does leave scars. 

I can't help but feel that this is symbolic with our current political state. 

Path through the pandemic

We're in week 12 of Shelter in Place, and I have to admit that, overall, it hasn't been as bad as I would've imagined... mostly due to hanging out with this guy and finding ways to escape. 

Don't get me wrong, it also hasn't been easy. I've had moments of panic and loneliness and probably a bit of depression...  My sleep schedule has been all over the place and eating has felt like a constant challenge. And, as of this past week, layer on the rise of (true?) awareness of racial injustice and the heartbreaking incredible pain that black people (friends) have expressed about how hard it is to live their lives in America. ...and, all to the soundtrack from my open window of helicopters, sirens, and shots being fired. 

But, there are still things to be grateful for. And, we can't forget them, or get through this without them. 

I am grateful for: still having an active job in events at a relevant company, a great guy to hangout with, a safe place to live with food and water, access to entertainment and abundant nature, my family and friends that are all safe and physically healthy, being physically healthy and able to stay active, my cat, ways to connect even when we have to be apart, an opportunity to learn new things, and for the hope that when we come out on the other side of this we all might be better people. 

Wishing you health, safety, and love. 

Together

For starters, I'm not one to make big statements on social issues or to get into political arguments. I tend to listen, ask questions, try to make impactful choices, and donate to causes that I care about. I will speak up when I feel safe and, when I do, I try to reference personal experiences.

But, lately I've found myself struggling with the incredible, partially informed, giant division happening in the country, in friend circles, in families....

I was talking with someone the other night about how an alien attack on the planet might be the only way to bring us back together. But, it would have to be a big, horrible attack so you wouldn't have to deal with people siding with the aliens. ....as I'm writing this, I'm realizing there would definitely be people siding with the aliens....

Anyway. What am I trying to say...

Being a person with Korean genes, a white middle-class upbringing, a decent enough education, a creative mind, a sense of humor, a bit of swag, and a high tolerance for different kinds of people; I feel like I can go just about anywhere and, as a result, I manage to get myself into situations/conversations with a wide sample of people. It feels like an opportunity to really see people. To understand them. To realize how we are different -- but, also the same. And how we're in this together, regardless. And, I think about if there are ways that could make everyone see it that way...? An alien attack.... ?

I guess what I'm trying to say is there's value in finding ways to connect with people who aren't like you. To not unfriend everyone who doesn't think just like you. Because, there is magic in finding the spaces where we connect instead of the spaces where we are different.
~~~

The above was drafted before the coronavirus hit. Could that be the alien?

Angel, well, not yet...

On Friday, January 31st, I was feeling really anxious about all of the projects I've gotten myself involved in so far this year.

"Do you ever feel like you're dying?"
I was in one of our production spaces talking to Ian.
"We're all dying."
"Do you ever feel like you're dying soon?"

He laughed for a very long time after that, acted awkward about giving me a hug after I had just hugged most of the crew, and left.

A day later, I got on a plane to Colorado to spend the weekend with my family.

It was my mom's birthday, so we headed to the Broadmoor to celebrate. The Broadmoor is a fancy hotel located at the edge of the city right at the base of the mountains. We went to the dessert shop, walked the lake, and played on a jungle gym for a while before heading to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant in the hotel.

After dinner, I got up to leave and everything started to go dark. My vision blacked out, my hearing went silent, and I was pretty sure I was going to fall. I lowered myself back to the table to breathe. After a few minutes, my sister-in-law tried to help me to the restroom, but I collapsed about halfway there, still conscious, but too dizzy to move.

As I sat on the floor, I thought to myself, this is it... I'm going to die right here in the middle of this restaurant in front of my family. And, when Ian finds out, he'll realize that I predicted this two days ago at work.

An ambulance ride and 2 bags of fluids later, I was diagnosed with severe dehydration due to travel, the altitude, a glass of wine, and not drinking enough water throughout the day, and was sent home to rest and rehydrate.

I saw Ian 2 days after returning to work and told him the story. He laughed again (and kind of cried? It was a laugh/cry?) while repeating, "it's not funny, it's not funny".

It was a little funny? 😉

2019

Getting to the end of 2019 was a journey. Kind of a marathon, really. Lots of friends, lots of art, lots of holidays...

I did my best to skip Halloween this year (mostly). It's not my favorite holiday, and I only really like dressing up if I have a good costume -- which I don't like putting effort into. I usually try to do something anyway, even if I don't dress up, but this year I made a conscious effort to skip it -- and, then ended up at a gathering on Halloween night anyway (but, it was really more of just a hangout). :)

Then, I managed to attend like 5 Thanksgivings. They were all full of great friends, new friends, and old friends, and were all delightful. :)

Christmas was in Illinois with my extended family. We were supposed to caravan up to Michigan to spend it at my cousin's place, but her daughter got sick, so we stayed in Illinois. It was quiet and simple, and especially lovely to be with my grandparents this year.

And then I went straight into a challenging, yet fun and successful, New Years with a friend in LA. We went from a bad Airbnb to a great hotel, to a supposed Yacht party that ended up being a strange (but fun) Ferry ride, and ended with some good museum time and a very cool virtual reality arcade.

I reconnected, got inspired, injured myself in aerial class, learned new things about me... and, now here we are in 2020. :)