...the moment seizes us.

My transition from Admin to Event Producer has (of course) been more challenging than I expected it would be...  I love being close to all of the shows, the work feels right, and I've been learning so much -- but, it's hard being back in that uncomfortable place of not knowing how to really contribute in a valuable way.  I know it comes with time, and with every new job, but I just want to be there now.

That being said, things have been going pretty well.  :)

We recently hosted an award night for physicists where we got to screen the new Stephen Hawking film.  The film company wanted a high quality viewing experience, so they brought in and built a state of the art movie theater for the night -- and, it was AWESOME!!  It was completely exciting watching the whole thing come together.  They built these giant speaker towers, put together and mounted the screen, added surround sound speakers, did these fascinating projector tests... It made me happy all day, and then the event was chaotic and full of energy, and I just loved every minute of it.  !!  

What would you do if you found out you were Superman?

Brian asked me this question in the middle of a conversation about Aspergers, proposing the idea that maybe having the ability to process things quickly, without getting caught up in emotion, is the next stage of advancement.  This brought up some interesting questions.  Is it valuable to feel anger, sadness, fear, shame...and, are those feelings necessary in order to feel joy, peace, love, happiness?  Does the darkness define the light?  Or is it possible to bypass emotions and still find connection?  Could that be pleasure without pain? 

Immediately following this conversation, I hopped into my car, took a corner too short, and ended up with a flat tire at 2 o'clock in the morning.  I waited for about an hour for roadside assistance, which turned out to be two lovely old men.  One of them changed my tire, while the other one did my paperwork.  I was helping the other one read my VIN number when he told me that I was an angel and a magnet for people...he said he didn't know me from buttons (or something like that), but he could tell that people love me.  It seemed a bit hyperbolic, but I thanked him for his kindness.  He said that it was so nice to have someone appreciate their work and that I had made his day.  Before they left, he handed me a business card that said, "Look I'm On U Tube Search for '101 One Armed Push Up's By A 70 Year Old Man' Now I'm 72 and I can do 110.  And you can't do that".  He told me to look it up when I got home.

I drove home on my spare tire and pulled into my garage around 3:30am.  

As I was standing in the lobby waiting for the elevator, a man approached my building.  He was tall, maybe 6'3", and was wearing a big grey hoodie and sweatpants.  I waved him off, indicating I wasn't going to let him in at this time of night, but he came right up to the window next to the door and held up a red bra.  He was staring at me, so I stared back.  It took me a second to process that he was also wearing a black mask and white gloves... I tried to get out of his sightline, but there was no where to go.  He reached into his pants and started to masturbate so I grabbed my phone to call the police.  He went behind the door just as the elevator arrived.  The police answered the phone, I gave them his description, and they said they'd send someone by... 

I got to my apartment with my heart pounding and the image of the man's eyes burned into my brain.  I was safe.  ...though, pretty shook up.  

I didn't know what to do.... I closed the blinds and sat on the couch with the cats, trying to be strong.  I remembered the business card from earlier and decided to look up the video.  As it turns out, the 70 year old push up man was the nice man who changed my tire. 

Does the darkness define the light? 

Rilke

...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903

in Letters to a Young Poet