Tell me what you know about dreaming...

I dreamt I was in an apartment with a bunch of friends waiting to go out.  The apartment, and everything in it, was completely white.  I was sitting in a chair at a table, and one of my ex-boyfriends kept embracing me in a way that felt like he was trying to make things right again.  To my left was the top of a stairwell and, just past it, I could see flocks of beautiful paper birds flying in these gorgeous, sweeping patterns.  There wasn't a roof on the apartment, so when I went to look at the birds, it was like I was standing at a lookout point.  My hair was held back in a perfect braid, and I felt elated.  My friends started calling for me to come out with them, and when I moved to join them, I woke up. 

This last month has been super charged with transition, and an attempt to fix all of the things that broke the month before.  It's been intense.  But, regardless of it's challenges, it's become very clear to me that my life is full of delightful moments.  I am so grateful that I have such wonderful friends, that I've seen game changing art and performances, that I'm learning new things, have reconnected with people I've been missing, and that I don't find myself feeling at a loss for anything that I need.  

I. Am. So. Very. Blessed.   

...though, I do still have some wishes lingering out there...  ;) 

Rose colored glasses

“You know how everyone’s always saying seize the moment?” she asks. “I don’t know, I’m kind of thinking it’s the other way around, you know, like the moment seizes us.” - Boyhood

  

A couple of days ago, I had the opportunity to work with a spoken word artist and famous hip hop dancers to produce an inspiring show about taking risks and letting go.

On Halloween, one of my friends was convinced that a guy in the bar had done the best "Steve Jobs", but the rest of us were pretty sure that guy hadn't actually dressed up.  :)

Last night, the makeshift contraption (intended to protect my room from a leaky ceiling until the roof is fixed) started leaking...so, I stood on a tarp on my bed, holding duct taped plastic and a funnel, trying to catch water for about an hour and a half until the rain stopped.

I'm performing in a show that travels to public parks, which means cute dogs spontaneously join us for our scenes.  

I recently received a confusing and unwanted goodbye that broke my heart. 

I put on my rose colored glasses and do my best to remember:  that I am surrounded by amazing opportunities for art and inspiration in my life, there's humor everywhere, I'm strong enough to hold things together even when everything seems like it's falling apart, there's a reason why dogs always steal the show, and a broken heart means that there was love... 

The moment seizes us. 

I got you.

Visits to the Bay from this guy make me soar.  💗

Zachary's 

Exit through the gift shop 

Moscato and popcorn 

Hiking Redwood Regional 

Ricky's 

Plank 

Blade Runner

Bagels

Rehearsal/football day 

I'a Poke  

Fly bar

Independent with Mel - Nikki Lane, JD McPherson 

Colonial donuts

Muir woods 

Tiburon Tavern 

Take Your Parents To Work Day

When I first heard about Take Your Parents To Work Day (TYPTWD), I had just started at Google and thought it was probably an open house of some kind.  It didn't seem like something I would ask my parents to take a trip out from Colorado to attend.  

Two years later, in my new job on the production team (that was running the presentation events for TYPTWD), I discovered that TYPTWD was a day when parents come to Google from all over the world to see what their kids are doing; and, Google takes that opportunity to honor the parents of Googlers.  It's a full day of events, classes, food, demos, presentations -- and, is a fun time to show off your parents and Google.  Very cool!  

So, this year (four years later), my parents came out from Colorado for TYPTWD. :) 

Google

True Food

Parents wandering the city (while I was at YouTube)

Salito's Crab House / Sausalito

Brown Sugar

DIY Faire / Jack London

Hanging curtains and things 

Chocolate Faire / Ghirardelli 

Trattoria Contadina 

Beach Blanket Babylon

Inn Kensington

Napa

Zachary's

Scottsdale/Sedona

Arizona was easy and sweet, with just the right amount of surprise and adventure.  

The things, in no particular order (by category): 

The movies: 

Logan

Hardball

Up

Eddie the Eagle (...to be continued)

The food: 

Breakfast sandwich

Salad

Pho

Room service

Wendy's

Fancy Italian 

Thai 

Antipasto plate

The places: 

The arches

The Duce

Phoenix Art Museum

Bitter and Twisted

Pho Cao

Scottsdale 

Sedona

The fun/moments: 

Meeting Marshall

Foosball 

Bags

Driving and talking

Him driving, me sleeping

Wandering through the museum

The lights exhibit and the rain exhibit

Finding the arches

Finding a bunch of paths that led to nowhere :) 

Learning new things 

Cuddling in the air conditioning 

The Luscious Frankie J

The Luscious Frankie J had to be put down on Saturday...

Frankie had been on thyroid medication for a couple of years, and we recently found out that her kidneys were failing.  She started to rapidly decline after a hard night and a scary trip to the vet about a month ago.

In her last week, it became clear that she was suffering quite a bit.  I was able to call a mobile vet to come to my home to euthanize her.  

Frankie was a great cuddler and second alarm clock who loved to headbutt, stare, eat, and take up a ridiculous amount of room in my bed.  She greeted me at the door every day, would loudly let me know anytime her bowl was empty, and liked to stay close to me -- especially when I was sad.  When she was younger, she used to play fetch, chase a soccer ball, jump out and scare me when I would walk through the apartment late at night, sleep on my belly, and would occasionally climb the curtains.

She was a great cat and friend, with endless personality.  

I already miss her purr and her pretty eyes.  :(

Summer of Love - 50th Anniversary

The Summer of Love was a social phenomenon that occurred during the summer of 1967. 

"A new concept of celebrations beneath the human underground must emerge, become conscious, and be shared, so a revolution can be formed with a renaissance of compassion, awareness, and love, and the revelation of unity for all mankind." - San Francisco Oracle

💗

Blue Moon

So, I'm in this bar called Wasted Grain (not on the night's agenda, although neither were the 2am tacos that followed), and this guy walks up and says, "Hey, can I buy you a drink?"  I tell him that I'm done drinking for the night, but he insists -- especially after the girls announce to him that I'm single AND it's my birthday.  I tell him that he can buy me a soda.  Straight.  "Vodka soda" he says to the bartender....  

We cheers.  I take a sip, and immediately hand the drink off to the bachelorette because, as I mentioned, I'm done drinking for the night.  

He asks me where I'm from and what I do.  I tell him that I live in the Bay Area and I'm an event producer at Google.  He says that he has family in the Bay, seems impressed that I work at Google, and says that I have really good energy.  He's from Chicago, works in tech sales, and seems sweet and young.

When he asks me how my day was, I tell him that it was great and I give him a brief description of the day's adventures.  I ask him about his day, and there's a quiet moment, and then he tells me that his dog died that day.  I say that I'm so sorry and, as his eyes well up a bit, he says, "Don't cry, because if you cry I'll cry".  We stand there solemnly -- and, in this moment, I already know that I like him.  

I start to think about how we just met and we're standing in a bar about to cry, and it makes me giggle -- which brings a smile back to his face.  

We continue to talk and flirt, and at some point he says, "Give me your number."  I say no.  He says, "Why not?".  I say, "Because you live in Chicago."  He clarifies, "No, I'm from Chicago, but I live here."  So, I reply with my new reason which is, "You live here."  He smiles and reminds me, "But, I have family in the Bay."  

I ask how old he is and he says, "Why does that matter?".  "Because I'm 42".  He doesn't care.  My inner monolog emerges in verbal spillage, "Now, see, it's this conversation that gets me here every time.  You don't care cause it doesn't matter, but then it does matter, and by then it's too late...".  He shakes his head and interrupts me with "What -- you're thinking too much!  I just want to see you again...".  

Perfect.  Dammit. 

I take a snapchat of the two of us together and he manages to grab my snapcode. 

He says, "Why am I so drawn to you?  I can't get enough of you.".  

💞

...I blow him a kiss as a golf cart pulls us back into the night...

But thy eternal summer shall not fade...

A weekend of celebration, adventures, and many favorite things... :)

Swan's market

Champagne and popcorn

Big Hero 6

Aina

Ocean Beach - Corgi con 

Bath ruins

Tiled Steps - view from the top

Piccolo Forno

North Beach festival - City Lights Bookstore

Bucko: Whaleman

Piccino 

Treasure Island

Inn Kensington 

Grizzly Peak 

Ferry to SF

Ferry building 

Walking the Embarcadero

Fisherman's Wharf

Miette 

Recchiuti

Ferry to Oakland 

Everett & Jones 

Shows

946: The Amazing Story of Adolphus Tips - the music and the set were fantastic.  

Comedy night at Rooster T Feathers - fun, friends

Love Sick - ambitious, beautiful images 

SF Sketchfest Tribute to Fred Willard, with special guests Christopher Guest, Robert Klein, Laraine Newman and moderator Kevin Pollak - Fred Willard... is just like you'd want him to be. :) 

Dinosaurs of Comedy - pretty good!

Neo futurists - great set of minis :) 

Luzia! - gorgeous show, vip night

Resonance at Pianofight - soulful, fun gathering

Ty Segall - the mosh pit!!  so much energy

Assassins - well performed, could use better tech

Into the Woods - so creative, wonderfully performed

Hamilton (preview night) - great theatre making, great music, wanted more authentic hip hop/rap

Alvin Ailey - beautiful

The Kills - showboat-y but fun, nice use of media

Joshua Cook - unexpected, photogenic, visceral 

The Orwell's - young, fun

Acrosports showcase - Joan was great!  fun and inspiring

Needles and Opium - amazing and innovative imagery/tech, beautiful performances, cerebral, emotional

John - delightful, strange, deep 

ILLUMINATE - destiny arts!  wonderful and important work

The Mass - mosswood, kids, last show...? 

Comedy Banquet - psychedelic science, fascinating 

Nerd Nite - awesome, unexpected

The Encounter - 3d sound, inventive theatre, great storytelling

Urinetown - not done as well as I'd hoped

Battlefield - sleepy night, well directed

Jarrod Spector - magical, dreamy

Dearest Home - beautiful movement, beautiful lighting 

Zoey and The Wind-Up Boy - community, multimedia, great moments, could use some editing

Roman Holiday - well performed, charming

Aerial Artique - Spring showcase, inspiring 

La la

Sonnet 18
BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date;
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;
Nor shall death brag thou wander’st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:
   So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
   So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

Learning to fly

Last February, Yuki asked if I would be interested in trying an aerial silks class with her.  I was in the midst of a fresh and devastating break up, and willing to do just about anything that seemed difficult and positive, so I said yes.  We signed up for a 3 intro class package and started on March 15th. 

My arms were so sore the day after the first class that I could barely lift my backpack and it hurt to open doors.  I checked in with Yuki, and she said she couldn't raise her arms up all the way.  :) We could barely hang on to the silks our first night, much less climb them, but we were hooked. 

A little over a year later, I'm still pretty clumsy, but I'm learning to fly... 

P.S. The last item on the board in the bottom left corner of this photo says, "Be sassy AF".  :) 

Creative self portrait 2

Here's number 1  ...which, in retrospect, is a bit more revealing than I meant it to be.  

  

Right now, I'm sitting at my little chrome sided dining room table listening to an old Sony stereo system that I got, like, a million years ago.  It has 3 CDs in the 3 disc changer (that I may never be able to get out because the tray gets jammed).  The 3 CDs are: Alex Kelly/Solos, Carla Bruni - the one with J'en connais, and a Stan Getz and Joao Gilberto collection.  I had to listen to them to find out.  

I'm eating a pasta that I made from a YouTube video where a guy recreates dishes he's seen in movies.  The pasta I made is good, but I'm pretty sure I did something wrong and that it's supposed to be considerably better than it is... c'est la vie.  

A good friend of mine gave me a deck of TruthBombs as a belated birthday gift.  The one I'm looking at right now says, "Admit to what you feel greedy about.  It will point to your most tender desire."  

  

No guarantees

...but, what if the life you've imagined is nothing like the life you've been conditioned to believe you're supposed to have? 

I had a thought the other day that maybe we are all given a finite amount of time here and that, no matter what we do, we will die at a predetermined moment.  

So, if we sit around and only make smart decisions, eat healthy, exercise, have goals... or, if we go on irresponsible adventures, do drugs, challenge limits, and only eat donuts... we will die at one exact moment.  

I mean, could that be why overweight smokers can live well into their 80s and die in a plane crash, while a 30 year old health nut dies suddenly of a heart attack?  Or, why people survive a suicide jump or an overdose?  Is it why people are shot in the crossfire or fall asleep at the wheel?  Is it why people survive cancer?  Or why people don't... 

And, if it were true, would it change anything for you? 

It definitely gives some weight to living the life you've imagined, right?  That doesn't necessarily mean you should live an irresponsible life because (as you likely know) that doesn't always serve you well, or even feel good, and you want to enjoy your life while you're here -- but, it does make things like cliff jumping and eating donuts seem like things you should definitely do.  

:) 

City of stars...

(I'm obsessed with La La Land... )

I read an article recently that said that people who are chronically late tend to be incredibly optimistic -- basically, because they think they can defy time and space with their magic to get to places on time.

That seems about right to me.  :)

I, personally, also seem to think I can defy age and circumstances with my magic.  ...and, I do.  To an extent.  ...which has a tendency to land me in the middle of some really great adventures -- aaaand some pretty epic heartbreak...

In the last month, I've had some great adventures.

Luzia
Stacey's visit
Chinese New Year Parade
Dancing at Barbarossa
Todd's birthday party
The Michaels' Oscar party
The middle of the mosh pit
St. Helena

I've had outstanding time with wonderful friends, special time with my family, exercised excessively, flirted with possibility, felt the profound pain of loss, said yes to the celebrations, and took some time to get away.

Defy, and find the magic. 

Because... Love

Alice and I had been talking about her wedding since her engagement last Spring (a lot of the wedding planning coincided with our trip planning for NZ/Australia).  As a result, I was privy to many realtime decisions and updates about the wedding, which made it so fun to see it all come together in such a brilliant and beautiful day!  Every detail was well thought out, Alice was gorgeous, the food and venue were perfect, and the party was a blast!!  

What an amazing day and celebration! 

A couple of weeks before the wedding, Alice had eight of us meet her in Scottsdale for her bachelorette party -- a weekend of great food, golf cart rides, giggles, a burlesque class, drinks, shopping, dancing, late night tacos, and random encounters with very buff men...  ?  Haha.  Who knew, Scottsdale...?  ;)  My birthday started in the middle of our last night there, and I couldn't have asked for a better way to start the day.  :)  

Big congrats to the lovely couple!! 💕

A Banksy

[A photograph I took of "a Banksy" from the exhibit in Melbourne - (Were we allowed to take photos?  Was he watching me?  Will I be a part of the next exhibit??  Damn.)]

The Someone I haven't said much about... filled my life with music and dreams and hope and... seemed to be exactly what I had asked for, somehow.  Well, almost.  Er...maybe... yet to be determined... but, that's so hopeful to write, isn't it?  And, haven't I learned, yet, that hope can be so frivolous.  But, to give up hope.... 

Elevate

Writing by candlelight, watching the rain, and drinking a wine called Stars Like Ours -- which seems perfect for the moment.

I saw two films in the last two days: 

• Hidden Figures - a film about the untold stories of amazing black women who changed the trajectory of the space program in the 60s, while breaking down racial boundaries, and never giving up.  

• La La Land - a visceral, inescapable modern day musical that left me speechless and with an actual pain in my heart.  Like, a good pain.  Like, an important pain.  (The film could've used a better sound mixer -- though, in the end, it really didn't matter.)

Surprisingly wholesome and inspiring films.