We were at a little restaurant in downtown. I had just congratulated a friend on her storefront opening and was taking a sip of soda when I heard a man's voice say aggressively, "Give me that." A man waiting to be seated with his girlfriend responded with a, "What?", and I looked over and saw a man with a mask and (what looked like) a small semi-automatic gun standing next to me.
The gun looked like a toy. I could take it from him, I thought, but there was another man behind the man with the gun and I didn't know if he also had a gun. And, if I grabbed the gun and it went off, could I hurt someone? Was it too risky?
The people who worked there took off running into the kitchen. I looked at the people at my table and in the rest of the restaurant -- everyone had frozen with their eyes cast down. I sat back slightly in my chair to feel the strap of my purse on my back and, as I did, the man with the gun looked at me, and said, "Give me that." as he took my purse. Then he took stuff from a couple more people, and then they left.
The girls at the table next to ours started crying.
When chaos hits I tend to get really clear. I can feel the energy of what's going on around me, but, it's like, it doesn't touch me -- and, I start playing out scenarios quickly in my mind. I can see the path through to the end, and can usually do something about it without getting too rattled. And, then, exhaustion/emotion hits later.
In this case, the endgame felt too dire for action, so later was full of emotion, anger, frustration... and, I couldn't stop replaying the moment of wanting to take the gun and then every possible outcome. The aftermath left me hyper vigilant, while anxiety started to grow in my chest until it hurt.
I found out that people tend to have 2 reactions to this kind of story. 1. Wanting to know how I am. 2. Wanting to know every detail of the incident. Something I learned is when people need to know every detail, the replay becomes louder. Fortunately, my sister-in-law had a technique that helped me move through the trauma and break up the pain, allowing me to turn the volume back down and feel less on guard.
Now, everywhere I go, the thought of getting robbed crosses my mind.
