Perfect

Today was perfect in exactly the ways a day should be perfect...

I woke up late and guilt free. Got some stuff done this morning that I'd been putting off. Found out my favorite Patrick will be in town next week. Had an impromptu lunch with John, whom I love. Went to a delightful tasting with the delightful Shannon to assist in holiday party planning. Went to see Cameron's art installation which left me completely impressed and inspired. Watched the end of game 2 of the Giants winning - while practicing juggling. :) Then met up with Ikenna to watch The Social Network...which I had personally banned, but had to see after all the good reviews, and it was great! And Ikenna is great. :)

The weather was perfect today, which always makes a difference, and now, I'm up too late, as usual.

:)

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Broken hearts leave jagged edges...

Here's an update on random guys who've hit on me recently because I know some of you find this entertaining...

I'm in an alley photographing graffiti. This guy says, "They're beautiful, aren't they?" ...and asks what I'm doing in the alley. I tell him I'm going to a show. He asks if he can come with me and pretend he's my date, says we should smoke pot and discuss our story... I watch him disappear into a nearby warehouse....

On a street in New York, this guy passing out cards tells me that I'm beautiful and asks me my name. I tell him and, as I walk away, he calls out to me. He asks if he can take me to coffee, gives me his number, kisses me on the cheek...

The Safeway guy. We almost collide, and then he follows me around the store. He asks me out from the aisle behind the checkout line I'm standing in. A group of people in line look back and forth between us for each response. He gives me his number with hopes that I'll call...

A fire alarm goes off during a tech rehearsal I've been invited to. Outside, the musician in the show approaches me. His music is haunting and beautiful. I find him online later and ask to be put on his list. He asks if I'd like to have drinks after one of his shows...





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Hi rain

Speeding down the freeway with the window down and music blaring, I inhale as deeply as I can...

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Today

Today, the weather was perfect. I pulled into the garage and Arnel's smile had returned. I went upstairs, and Penny said, "Let's bring it back for Billy!" and she started to do the robot with me. :)

We had a service for Billy yesterday in the courtyard of our building, and it was so wonderful how many people were there and how many smiles he still brings to everyone's faces - even as we miss him.

I felt great today.

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Find your light

You can't have darkness without light...

It's been a rough run this year. I feel like my heart's been broken again and again... and then, in the meantime, I've found these wonderful moments of love and friends and light. ...like the universe is doing its best to counter balance the pain...

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"For you cannot see the tears in the falling... "

Today, Billy, the parking guy who would greet me every morning with a hug and good wishes, suffered a heart attack in the garage, and died...

...just like that.

When I went to get my car tonight, Ali, one of the other parking guys, gave me a hug. I began to sob. He wiped my tears away and, fighting his own, said, "Now, none of that...we need you to be strong for us. We need your smile...".

I am broken...

:'(

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Perspective

In reference to what she's observed about the way I fall in love, my friend Gabriella said something like, "When you love someone, you love all of them... the good, the bad - and the stuff where you're like, whaaaaa...?????". Haha - I'm not completely sure what that last part meant exactly... but, she's right. I fall in love with all of the beautiful details of someone. I get lost in them... to the point where I sometimes forget to take a step back...

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"i.just.don't.know."

I'm standing on the street corner with a friend of mine and this random guy in a convertible pulls up and says to him, "You're a very lucky man." and then drives away. My friend looks at me, smiles and says, "He must think you're my wife."

What...?! ...and, what??!

I was never the pretty girl growing up. I was more the cute sidekick, or the token Asian girl who was cool to have around.

Somehow, it seems I have guys coming out of my ears right now... but, what do I do with them when I only want one.... who's ... unavailable? ...but, keeps moving all of the pieces around and, in the meantime, manages to make me feel wonderful....

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I went to the final dress rehearsal for Scapin the other night - a show with incredible physical comedy that had me laughing throughout the performance... but, I left the theater feeling unsatisfied. I wanted to come away feeling affected. Moved. Changed. I wanted to experience something... more than laughter, I guess...?

The characters were wonderful, but I didn't have much invested in them. I never saw them risk anything. There was dancing, silly walks, elastic body movement... but no real growth or vulnerability.

I guess this brings me back to the question(s) I have about art and judgment. It's all about empathy... no?

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Disneyland!

I had the pleasure of meeting my wonderful friends, Stacey and Todd, at Disneyland this weekend!! You couldn't ask for better company at the happiest place on earth. :)
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September 11th

"Peace Fountain celebrates the triumph of Good over Evil, and sets before us the world's opposing forces - violence and harmony, light and darkness, life and death - which God reconciles in his peace."

I remember taking BART in for work and finding the city strangely quiet. My building was closed and I was told to go home...
I laid on the couch watching the twin towers fall again and again with tears in my eyes and my stomach in knots.

With great respect and hope...my heart goes out today.

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I heart NY

I've just adjusted to this timezone - and back to Cali I go...

A quick breakdown:

Beowulf
My Artichoke Heart
The Highline
Katz's deli
Spanish wine place with the crazy drinking apparatus thingy
Dancing
Brooklyn bridge
Sleeping in the grass
UCB
Columbia campus and the Cathedrals
Matsuri
John, Tom, Des, Holly, Jen... and of course, Simón... :)

*sigh*

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Drunk - 5 stars

I love everyone and I am wasted... wine needed to be drunk... cause I'm leaving tomorrow and it will go bad and it takes like 1 drink for me to be drunk....

I have some amazing people in my life right now. Amazing. Love.

Yeah...

I remember how I shouldn't drink and blog, but I'm trying to not be wasteful. I got new contacts today and I'm not sure that I like them... And, then, today was my bosses last day...which was kind of a surprise cause she was supposed to be here through like two wednesdays from now...

and, now....

And, what the....

I was basically bribed, off the record, to stay at my job through January. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? And after NY, I'm going to Disneyland. Seriously, I am.

Okay, pouring this glass down the drain...

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Moments

Someone once told me that when you have ringing in your ear it means you're about to lose the ability to hear that frequency...so, I guess as the frequency dies...it cries out... and then it's gone...
I have no idea if that is true, it's just something I was told once...

I feel like in my effort to stop reporting and do more thinking and writing, I've missed some moments that I should've captured... incredible clown shows, a perfect trip to Santa Cruz, a Ramadan dinner and a poker night, the Duck boat and other birthday parties for my beautiful friends... nights on the town, a bit of romance... auditions, the theater festival, mom's visit... Beach Blanket Babylon, Total B.S., IN THE WOUND... and friends friends friends... I'm exhausted and blessed.

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