to write.

It hasn't come over me in a long time -- the need...though, it's achingly familiar.  I remember, how I used to have to write.  On the sides of coffee cups.  On napkins.  On my leg propped up on a bar...

Right now, I want to write...but, I'm not sure what to say...


"Nothing in the world is how it should be,

It's cold, cruel.

But then there's us. 

It doesn't matter where we're from,
what we've done, or survived.
Or even if we make a difference.

We live as if this place were what it should be,
to show it what it can be.

You may not be a part of it yet,
but we hope you will be."

- The Role Traversal, From Monument To Masses

Eight, take 5

Ah, yes... take 5.

First of all, I had 7 fl oz Coronitas at this show for a $4 donation each (along side regular sized beers for the same donation) and didn't realize it until I was unpacking the leftover beer into my fridge around midnight that night.  Crap.  If you are reading this, and you are one of the people who got a tiny Corona for $4... I apologize.  

We went back to Cyclone for number 5.  

Cyclone is an incredible space.  

...I feel like I tend to get confirmation on Cyclone a little closer to the show date than I prefer, however, which puts a lot of pressure on my lineup -- but, these brave performers stepped up to the plate:  

Jessica Gruner 

Sara Kraft 

Keenan Williams 

Alex Koll

Gigi Benson

David Madwin

Josh Pollock

Agatha Rupniewski and crew 

This show was polarizing and challenging -- it pushed boundaries, was exhausting, and impressive.

It was a crazy but successful night... ! 

Rob ran his ass off doing sound, lights, etc... I had Christina, Jose, and Monty behind the bar (Monty generously donated wine for this show!), Aatman managed the door, and Bob ran the house.  

I sold out at 80 tickets.  People danced before we started and during the intermission.  I told a very long story to kill time during one of the setups, and the program was wrong and I forgot to explain it.  

Whew, and I thought 5 it would be easy... 

I'm anxious to see what 6 will bring.  

;) 

Show day

I always have the same feelings on the day of a show... I generally start with wondering why I do this to myself -- and, then, my mind runs rampant through scenarios of how the night will go.  I consider all of the possibilities:  the success, the failure, the peace I tend to find on stage once I'm finally there, the way my hands will likely shake until that moment.... 

I put 80 tickets on the books this time and I've sold out....and, I have a bunch of people who still want to come.  

There's a moment when I realize that my hunger for the sale means I'll need to deliver on that sale.  I don't tend to see that moment until it happens, which is why this project has been so successful, and why this moment feels so daunting.  

All the things I haven't said...

No, not really. 

...but, I will tell you that I am well underway in planning the next Eight, which will take place on next Friday.  The 8th.

...and, that my birthday was really nice. :)  I was surrounded by the best kind of friends -- for which I am endlessly grateful.

~

In the last few years, I've discovered that I'm either not good at throwing birthday parties (last minute random plans that half of the people I invite can't make), or super amazing at throwing birthday parties (managing to pull together an awesome 10 act show in a very raw space in two weeks flat...and, that should probably say "party") and, either way, the friends who share it with me make my day.

Aatman took me out for a post-birthday night on the town that was full of delicious food and rich culture -- my favorite kind of night on the town :)  ...and did you see the picture he drew for me?  It's beautiful...and, a weird feeling to find yourself completely impressed, kind of embarrassed, and very proud all at the same time.  (It was a pencil drawing of a photo he took of me.)  He's amazing.

Oh, and me and Mel saw Reggie Watts perform at the Independent!  The show was good and the night was awesome.  I completely overbooked myself and magically got everything done with ease, and in great company... I love that!

And! Troublemaker at Berkeley Rep was fricken fantastic!!  ;)  A quirky, lovable, stylized accomplishment in pushing the limits of the teenage vernacular while addressing the forces of our modern day society.  Committed, over the top performances that ROCKED, and a good look at growing up.  

2013

I rang in the New Year with a glass of champagne and a glow stick, dancing to a favorite song while kissing my favorite man.

Thirteen has always been a lucky number for me.

:)


Things to remember in 2013:

A bathroom light switch on the outside can be an endless source of entertainment.

Wishes are important.

Miscommunications in the middle of the night might make you laugh until you cry.

There's nothing wrong with skipping a few activities to relax.

You can do so much in a day.

You may find that someone who drives you crazy will be someone you don't want to be without...

The Mayans weren't fortune tellers, they were artists.

It's always worth it to face your fears.

There's a distinct difference between Vegas-like and Vegas-style.

If you look good together and seem happy, people will think you are newly married.

A science museum may be perfect for a rainy day.

Sometimes the translation is right in front of you.

Comedy, sunsets, big band music, and sandwiches are good choices.

Karaoke, piano bars, art auctions, and slot machines are hit or miss.


Moonlight on water can take your breath away.

Some Islamic people might be mistaken for ninjas.

And, finally, it's not the tequila bottle, it's the gesture.

;)

Holidaze

I walked outside, threw on my hood and, as I shielded my face from the rain, looked down and saw this.... A baby owl lying by a tree next to the sidewalk.  It looked like it was comfortably sleeping, having deep, peaceful dreams.  It's eyes were closed, and feathers looked fresh, soft, and fluffy, like they had just been cleaned -- dirt and weather not having soiled them a bit.  I wanted to touch them.  I stood, gazing at the owl for a minute, before realizing it must be dead.  ...a sad sight, yet strangely beautiful.  I looked around wondering why no one else seemed to see it -- was it real?  ...a baby owl on the side of a busy street in the middle of San Francisco...?  

I've been reading a book called A Visit From The Goon Squad.  It's written like a bunch of short stories taking you through generations of people connected through the New York and San Francisco music scenes...but, what it's really about is relationships, being young, growing up, getting old, and remembering those moments that change your life forever.  It's the movement of life wrapped in pure nostalgia.

I flew to Colorado for Christmas late last night.  My flight was delayed due to the weather in San Francisco so I didn't get to my parents house until 4am MT.  I hadn't really slept the night before, so it was a long day... But, it was/is nice to be "home" -- even though it's like entering a life I once knew where I'm supposed to fit a mold I broke a long time ago.  My life doesn't resemble anything close to what I imagined it would when I was a kid.  I realize this happens to everyone but, when I'm in a moment like this, of realization, I become acutely aware of the person I thought I would be, and my absolute distance/experience from that person... From the mold.  I couldn't fit back into it if I tried, and I don't think I'd want to, but... from time to time...I long for it.

Rainy Sunday

I've been sick (off and on) for a week, and have become very accustomed to this view. 

I took the week off, for what was supposed to be a nice little stay-cation, and then I got sick last Sunday.  I guess I'm thankful that, since I was sick, I was in the comfort of my own home instead of being off on a real vacation. 

I did manage to slip in a nice dinner with Matt, Jessica, and little Wilder in the middle of the week, and I got to spend a sleepy day with Aatman while he studied.  Aatman and I also made it out to a couple of Christmas parties on Saturday night - one of which was a really lovely time at the Michaels'. 

Today, has been a rainy, chilly Sunday.  I've been nursing my stomach and watching movies all day. 

I love the color of the changing leaves outside my balcony.

Tired

Joe's been letting me sleep on his couch between work and soccer, which has been amazing, especially for our late games.  Tonight, I took this picture of Pei mid nap. 

The last couple of weeks have been exhausting.  The film takes a lot out of me, especially after a full day's work.  Add to that, a social schedule, and I'm barely standing.  I've been back at soccer, had a fun double date with Michelle and Joseph, had a nice dinner with Star, got to catch up with Joan, saw A Christmas Carol with Anna, shot a very small role to help a friend out with his student film, and had some great quality time with Aatman. 

I am very tired...  Although, right at this moment, I can't seem to sleep... 

Post show... blues?

Film rehearsals started the day after the show closed.  Perfect, crazy, timing... and then, I went to the Hip Hip Dance Fest!  I know I've said this before, but I love the Hip Hop Dance Fest!  It is one of my favorite San Francisco shows!!!  I bought a ticket to the only performance of the weekend I could make. :)  ILL-Abilities almost had me in tears, but the Academy of Villains remains at the top of my list.  They, alone, were worth the price of admission.  CJ is not only an exceptional choreographer, he is a charismatic, creative, and inventive performer.  I HEART.

After the weekend, I ended up with a couple days to breathe and get my life back in order, and then Thanksgiving!  

Thanksgiving was spent with Maureen and Dave and their family up in San Rafael.  It was so nice to spend time with them and watch little Lily run around the house all day.  :) 

The show closed on a rainy San Francisco night last night to a small, appreciative crowd.  A perfect ending to great show... 

Twelfth Night

I'm sitting backstage near the end of show 3 of 7.  When this night is over, I'll have 3 days off in a row -- I can't wait!

The hardest part of theatre is going from work to show to sleep to work to show to sleep -- for what seems to be forever.  The weekends help a bit, but still don't feel like your own... It's a hard process -- though filled with so many things that I love.

:)

...and, I've found that place where I'm proud of the work I've done. 

A time to eat

One new variable in your routine can change everything.

I've recently added three.  Big ones.  I've already mentioned them.

The boy. 
The play. 
The film.

All of these things require my heart, my undivided attention, complete vulnerability, and significant amounts of time....

First of all, it's a drastic shift to go from singledom to boyfriendland.  The process is invigorating and challenging, and this particular relationship makes me feel like I'm in a perpetual state of shock.  ...but, in a good way.  :)

The play has been a process, but we're getting there.  It's now in nightly rehearsals, which will lead us straight into tech week, and then it opens for a two week run.  I've finally invited people to come, but I'm very nervous about it.

Once the show is over, I jump straight into film rehearsals.  I'm exited about the film, but I'm not really sure what to expect from it.

I just canceled EIGHT for December because I already feel in way over my head...

...and, I'm really missing some of my friends that I never really see enough of to begin with....  

A fairytale

It was a magically perfect October day in the mountains of Colorado... The sun was out, the skies were impossibly blue, and my brother and his soon-to-be wife gathered the most generous and loving group of people together to witness their commitment and dedication to one another. 

Todd wanted to find the perfect girl and, with his standards, it was no easy feat... but, it was well worth the wait because he found her.  :)

Here's to wishes for a happily ever after! 

A Lovely Day

I've been meaning to write about a documentary I saw with Maureen and Aatman called A Lovely Day, but I can't seem to find the right words to describe it. It's about these Oakland kids and, after living in Oakland for as long as I have, I've found that there are some things you just have to experience to really understand.  The film seemed to capture that somehow.  

The director of photography was a guy I used to live with back in my West Oakland/Dogtown days.