Holidaze

I walked outside, threw on my hood and, as I shielded my face from the rain, looked down and saw this.... A baby owl lying by a tree next to the sidewalk.  It looked like it was comfortably sleeping, having deep, peaceful dreams.  It's eyes were closed, and feathers looked fresh, soft, and fluffy, like they had just been cleaned -- dirt and weather not having soiled them a bit.  I wanted to touch them.  I stood, gazing at the owl for a minute, before realizing it must be dead.  ...a sad sight, yet strangely beautiful.  I looked around wondering why no one else seemed to see it -- was it real?  ...a baby owl on the side of a busy street in the middle of San Francisco...?  

I've been reading a book called A Visit From The Goon Squad.  It's written like a bunch of short stories taking you through generations of people connected through the New York and San Francisco music scenes...but, what it's really about is relationships, being young, growing up, getting old, and remembering those moments that change your life forever.  It's the movement of life wrapped in pure nostalgia.

I flew to Colorado for Christmas late last night.  My flight was delayed due to the weather in San Francisco so I didn't get to my parents house until 4am MT.  I hadn't really slept the night before, so it was a long day... But, it was/is nice to be "home" -- even though it's like entering a life I once knew where I'm supposed to fit a mold I broke a long time ago.  My life doesn't resemble anything close to what I imagined it would when I was a kid.  I realize this happens to everyone but, when I'm in a moment like this, of realization, I become acutely aware of the person I thought I would be, and my absolute distance/experience from that person... From the mold.  I couldn't fit back into it if I tried, and I don't think I'd want to, but... from time to time...I long for it.