Eight! and 8, and...

Jessica asked for a source for details on past shows because she wanted to write something about 8 on 8/8.  I decided to follow suit and have posted here all of the links to my posts about the shows: 

8:1

8:2

8:3

8:4

8:5

8:6

8:7

8:8

and, the fb page.

Happy 8/8! 

(I have to admit, I maaaaay've adjusted the date and time just a bit on this one)  ;) 

Dreaming is free

I went to Boston for the 4th of July to spend some time with Aatman, and to celebrate our anniversary and his birthday.  (He's in Boston, on a very demanding month long medical rotation.)  We knew the trip might find us right across the street from each other with no real contact, but we made a couple of hopeful dinner reservations anyway.   

Because I wasn't sure we would see each other much, I had planned a walking tour, solo brunch, a visit to a museum and to the library... but, then, Aatman was let out of work early on the 4th and we were able to have the most magical anniversary celebration together!  We had an amazing brunch at the Tip Tap room, went to Faneuil Hall to see the street performers, and wandered around the water front district, ending up at the aquarium for a few hours which included seeing a great IMAX film about sharks.  Our anniversary dinner was at one of Aatman's favorite sushi restaurants, and then we got back to my hotel to find the best private view of the fireworks we could've possibly asked for.  

Aatman's birthday is on the 6th, but we planned to celebrate it on the 5th because we knew he'd have to work on the 6th (and, my return flight was scheduled on that day).  He was let out of work a bit early on the 5th as well (!), so we wandered around Charles Street, hung out at the bar at the Liberty Hotel (which used to be a prison and is now a luxury hotel), and then we went to a really nice Italian dinner at Grotto.  :)  

I also ended up with some solo time, so I did the walking tour, saw the library, checked out the esplanade and wandered the charming streets of Boston a bit on my own.     

It was a short trip, but it was perfect.  :)

Panic attacks and foreboding joy

Things are great things are great things are great, and then -- BAM!! ...you start getting panic attacks -- which make you feel like you're dying.  And, I mean, like, for real dying.  Like, I should call someone, write a will, and check myself into the hospital kind of dying.  Like, if I keep thinking about this vs doing something it might be too late and then I will be dead kind of dying.  

Apparently, that last one (thinking about it vs doing something) is key to differentiating between panic attacks and actual dying.  If you're actually dying, supposedly there wouldn't be a debate going on in your head, you would know something's really wrong and would either go to the hospital, or die.  (Disclaimer: This blog and my hypochondria should NOT to be used for medical diagnosis.)  

But, as I mentioned, things are great.  

There's this thing called "foreboding joy".  It's the feeling, or fear, that when things are going really great something bad might happen. 

Along with the panic attacks, I've been having a lot of foreboding joy lately because things have been great.  Which is ridiculous because, when I really start looking at my life, I know there are many things that aren't great.  My relationship has some obstacles to overcome, my mom had a pretty big surgery today, the theatre where I've produced most of my shows is about to be torn down, a couple of my closest friends are moving away, and I started having panic attacks because of some serious unnecessary drama at work.  

The "problem" is, the drama at work has since subsided along with the panic attacks, my relationship has grown a ton recently and feels wonderful regardless of the obstacles, I have amazing and inspiring friends and I know that having some of them move on will be the best thing for them, my mom's surgery has the potential to really improve her quality of life, and I'm still alive because I was only having panic attacks.  

I think the lessons here are:  Panic attacks are terrifying (but you'll be just fine), and sometimes when things are great it leads to foreboding joy.  :P

Nevermind

It's evident that there's a natural ebb and flow to life... That some days you feel like everything is working against you and other days like nothing can stop you.  I was going to write about a really frustrating day...but, then everything changed.  Or, was it me that changed.... ?  

8 (8)

The 8th 8... 

I discovered that producing 8 was hard to do while working my day job as an event producer...  though, doing both jobs simultaneously also seemed to make me better at both... ?  and worse at both.  :P  

Better because I felt sharper.  I found myself always thinking through the show at work, taking things from the show and using them at work, and then taking things from work to use in the show.  

Worse because I felt distracted at work and then sort of fried afterwards, which put the show on the back burner most days and made for a very stressful last push before showtime.  

As a result, on the night of the show, I forgot to put the programs out, my MC notes weren't well prepared, I forgot a joke on stage while I was in the process of telling it, and I ended up telling the story of 8 and how I got the producing job at Google after I had made a very specific decision not to do that.... 

Luckily, Audrey remembered the programs and handed them out to everyone, my lack of MC preparedness apparently made for "great stage presence" and "charming hosting", of which my forgetting the joke I was telling and then successfully retelling it later seemed to contribute, and people were happy I told the story of 8 and how I got my job because they did want to know how the show came about and it was inspiring that it led to me finding work as a producer. 

:) 

They all said I had to do 8 shows because I called the show 8.  They were right.  


My stellar lineup: 

Sam DiSalvo
Audrey Spinazola
Michael Curran
Bernard Vash
Nick Knave
Jessica Gruner 
Skorpio Smith
Amber Gougis 


And, stellar team: 

Ian on sound
Heather on lights
Jackie running the door
Brian, Teresa, and Danielle at the bar 


Audrey and Joan made sure the space looked amazing, Brian and Teresa and Danielle generously donated their beer and their awesome bar skills, my tech team had my back like they do every day :), and the performers all seemed magical as they took the stage.... 


As I sit on the couch with the cats working on closing out the show, I torture myself a little with the silly mistakes I made...but, mostly, I bask in the glow of another fun success.  Everyone was like, "you HAVE to do it again".  I literally tell myself from about 2 weeks out until somewhere around the 2nd act, that I'm not going to do it again.  And then, I settle into the show, the performers knock my socks off, the generosity from the audience surrounds me, and I start to think it's exactly where I'm meant to be and that I'll have to do it again.  :P 

The 8th 8 was wonderful....


"Be so good they can't ignore you." - Steve Martin

:)

The other night, Jessica shared with me that on Wilder's first day of school, which also happened to be his birthday, he cried and cried, and didn't want her to leave him... and, then, a little brunette girl named Annalise put her hand on his shoulder and sang... "Let it goooo, let it gooo... " and, she is now Wilder's favorite girl.  :)

As you probably know, I was adopted from Korea and have always claimed to be Korean but, throughout my life, lots of Eastern Asians have claimed me as their own, stating that I definitely look like whatever they are...until recently when everyone seems to think I'm Japanese. Aatman got me a DNA test for my birthday this year and it turns out that I'm Korean, Japanese, and a little Chinese!

(To the tune of I'm Every Woman) "I'm every Asian / it's all in me / Any Asian you want to see / I do it naturally..."  ;) 

This year has been so full of life.  Facing fears, going on adventures, trusting the process.... it's been amazing.  And, that's not to mention the movie nights, dinners with new friends, long talks with old friends, tooling around with the girls, comedy nights, an epic mafia night with the soccer team, a job that doesn't feel like work, and a completely renewing little getaway to Calistoga.... :)

(If I could add a sparkle here, I would.) 

Pure life!

Costa Rica was amazing...  !!  The plants, the animals, the food, the people, the adventures, the sunsets, the sounds... 

My favorite moments, in no particular order: 

• Discovering that Costa Rica was not an island 2 days before our departure.  :P 
• Meeting my lovely travel buddies at the airport. 
• The rainy hanging bridges. 
• Standing at the foot of the La Fortuna waterfall. 
• Checking out the ghetto hot springs spot under the overpass. 
• Hot Springs hot showers! 
• Sleeping on the shuttles. 
• Kim seeing the sloth by the side of the road! 
• The view of the volcano from Casa Luna. 
• Chatting with Alice over Sushi. 
• The sloths at the hot springs zoo.
• The monkey named Mike Tyson, because he bites... !
• Danielle saving me multiple times during canyoneering. 
• Jaime jumping into the waterhole. 
• Repelling the giant waterfall! 
• Giggling w/ Carlos and Isabel at Nemes when Carlos was trying to find the English word for Olives. 
• Viewing the volcano from the boat bus. 
• Sleeping in the monkey room at the top of the many rooms of the Treetop house. 
• Listening to all of the rain, the birds, the insects, the monkeys... 
• When we noticed the shuttle driver was also the cashier and the coffee tour guy, just in different hats.  Literally.   
• Dancing and singing at the Tree house restaurant! 
• The fantastic casado typico and conversation at the soda in Monteverde.  
• Scarfing down the fantastic casado tipico breakfast at the soda behind the fancy coffee shop. 
• Late night talk with Phuong in the Treetop House. 
• Hiking through the dark forest looking for wildlife.
• Zipping through the trees. 
• Learning to surf! 
• Synthia catching a great wave!
• Isabel calling the waiter (camarero) a shrimp (cameron).  
• Hanging out with the girls on the catamaran.  
• Yuki's commentary on the iguana wanting a bug, and Isabel having a bug fly into her mouth. 
• Seeing the macaws fly by Villa Estela! 
• Yuki giggling at the steakhouse about the failed photos.  
• Watching the amazing Costa Rican sunset.

I am so glad I bought a first aid kit, a raincoat, and really good sunscreen.  I wish I had bought actual bug repellent instead of a bug repellent bracelet, because that thing didn't work.  A second (and third?) bathing suit would've been useful, along with waterproof hiking shoes.  The neoprene Google bag the Trademarks team gave me turned out to be the perfect unforeseen gift.  Board shorts were exactly right, along with an insulated water bottle and a small backpack.


Here's the event list for my memory's sake:

Carlos the driver 

Tomales

Casa Luna 

Hanging bridges
La Fortuna waterfall 

Casado tipico - NOM
Hot springs

Nemes

Canyoneering

Hot springs take 2

Bus boat bus

Treetop house

Stella's

Coffee sugar chocolate tour

Tree house dancing night

Soda 

Ziplining

Night hike

Tree house take 2

Soda + coffee

Shuttle to Manuel Antonio

Villa Estela
Carlos the other driver (I think his name was Carlos too)

Mariposa sunset

Dinner at the marina

Surfing

Catamaran 

Pizza night

Manuel Antonio national park

Cafe Milagro

Shuttle to San Jose 

Airbnb in the hood 

Steakhouse dinner

PURA VIDA!!! :) 

Birthday

A birthday full of music, dinners, cake, ice skating, thoughtful and generous gifts, and the best friends a girl could have.  :) 

...and, a Happy New Year!

I got to ring in the New Year in Hawaii with my best friend, Stacey!!  We did so much and had so much fun!  :)  

Slippers

Free parking by the zoo

Walk along the spitting beach 

Dinner w/ Stacey

Todd applying to school (Stacey's husband)

Dry cleaning 

Starbucks

Random drive to Haleiwa Beach

Cooking jello ! 

New Year's Eve hangout with the cousins

New Year's Day at Grandma's w/ a nap

Making prosciutto wraps

New Year's Day night with Todd's family 

Coffee at 3 Cups Cafe 

Walk through West Loch Community Shoreline Park

Mike's wedding

Peace Cafe

Drinks at Lulu's in the hurricane

Pacific Beach Hotel 

Hiking Diamond Head 

Musubi Cafe Iyasume

Mike's reception

Soeda family Christmas w/ games !

Breakfast at Eggs 'n Things

Sugar beach

Ko Olina Monkey Pod restaurant

Disney resort listening to Jerry Santos

Stacey throwing up driving adventures... :(

Makapu'u hike

Outlet mall

Lunch w/ Cara and walking through Chinatown

Hilo Hattie's and Ward Warehouse shopping 

Disney resort take 2, for girl's night :) 

Breakfast at Rise and Shine

Throwing lei into the ocean 

It was the perfect way to start out the new year... !!  :) 

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

I had a really nice Christmas in Colorado.  :)  We did our usual things like playing games, having dinners, going to church, hanging out with family and friends... but, this year I decided to buy my family and I tickets to a show in Denver as their Christmas gifts.  I booked dinner at a great new Polish restaurant called Belvedere (my Dad is Polish), and then headed out to Lannie's Clock Tower for a night of Motown Legends Revue!  It was a great night of culture and family time.  Belvedere's was excellent and brought back great memories of my Grandma, and the Motown Legends Revue was a blast!!  Lots of singing and dancing and truffle popcorn and silliness!  :)

I also had some heart to hearts with family members this year.  It was a good time for reconnection.  

Awesome and Awkward

My job no longer feels like work...which is amazing.  I mean, to be fair, parts of it do still feel like work... but, a lot of it is just a blast.  !!

I got to produce a show (read: meeting/interview) the other day featuring this guy. 

I'm a big fan, but remained completely professional throughout the show.  After the show, one of my co-workers said, "Hey, Freddie's hanging out in the cafe, you should go say hi and take a picture.".  Even though I'm a big fan, I'm not much of a fangirl.  I'm completely fine admiring from a distance -- but, then my manager said, "Hey, if you want to talk to Freddie now that the show is over, you should do it."  I thought, well, why not... and walked into the cafe to find my co-worker standing about 4 feet away from him, pointing at him saying, "Hey, Kristen, he's right here!".  Freddie was getting food and was in mid-conversation.  My co-worker kind of pushed me along, so I held out my hand and said, "Hi Freddie, my name is Kristen and I'm a big fan of your work.".  Freddie shook my hand and said hi, and then turned back toward his conversation.  I took that as my cue to go, so I started walking toward the bathroom when my co-worker yelled after me, "Hey, Kristen, aren't you going to take a picture?  He's standing right here, don't you want a picture??".  I said, "No, no, I don't want a picture."  My co-worker said, "He's standing right here!".  I was starting to get embarrassed, so I waved my co-worker off and said, "It's okay, it's okay, I don't want a picture!".  

I went to the bathroom.  

When I returned from the bathroom, I found my co-worker striking the show.  I went up to him and said, "That was really embarrassing, why did you do that?"  He said, "I thought you were a big fan and wanted a picture.".  I said, "I'm a big fan, but I don't need a picture, I just wanted to shake his hand."  He said, "Well, after you said hi, he turned and put his food down to talk to you and take a picture, but you ran off and said you didn't want a picture, and we were all standing there waiting for you."  Bah!  To be perfectly honest, I thought Freddie was kind of blowing me off, which was fine, but now it turns out that I kind of blew him off!  :P  

And, now I wish I had gotten a picture... :) 

...the moment seizes us.

My transition from Admin to Event Producer has (of course) been more challenging than I expected it would be...  I love being close to all of the shows, the work feels right, and I've been learning so much -- but, it's hard being back in that uncomfortable place of not knowing how to really contribute in a valuable way.  I know it comes with time, and with every new job, but I just want to be there now.

That being said, things have been going pretty well.  :)

We recently hosted an award night for physicists where we got to screen the new Stephen Hawking film.  The film company wanted a high quality viewing experience, so they brought in and built a state of the art movie theater for the night -- and, it was AWESOME!!  It was completely exciting watching the whole thing come together.  They built these giant speaker towers, put together and mounted the screen, added surround sound speakers, did these fascinating projector tests... It made me happy all day, and then the event was chaotic and full of energy, and I just loved every minute of it.  !!  

What would you do if you found out you were Superman?

Brian asked me this question in the middle of a conversation about Aspergers, proposing the idea that maybe having the ability to process things quickly, without getting caught up in emotion, is the next stage of advancement.  This brought up some interesting questions.  Is it valuable to feel anger, sadness, fear, shame...and, are those feelings necessary in order to feel joy, peace, love, happiness?  Does the darkness define the light?  Or is it possible to bypass emotions and still find connection?  Could that be pleasure without pain? 

Immediately following this conversation, I hopped into my car, took a corner too short, and ended up with a flat tire at 2 o'clock in the morning.  I waited for about an hour for roadside assistance, which turned out to be two lovely old men.  One of them changed my tire, while the other one did my paperwork.  I was helping the other one read my VIN number when he told me that I was an angel and a magnet for people...he said he didn't know me from buttons (or something like that), but he could tell that people love me.  It seemed a bit hyperbolic, but I thanked him for his kindness.  He said that it was so nice to have someone appreciate their work and that I had made his day.  Before they left, he handed me a business card that said, "Look I'm On U Tube Search for '101 One Armed Push Up's By A 70 Year Old Man' Now I'm 72 and I can do 110.  And you can't do that".  He told me to look it up when I got home.

I drove home on my spare tire and pulled into my garage around 3:30am.  

As I was standing in the lobby waiting for the elevator, a man approached my building.  He was tall, maybe 6'3", and was wearing a big grey hoodie and sweatpants.  I waved him off, indicating I wasn't going to let him in at this time of night, but he came right up to the window next to the door and held up a red bra.  He was staring at me, so I stared back.  It took me a second to process that he was also wearing a black mask and white gloves... I tried to get out of his sightline, but there was no where to go.  He reached into his pants and started to masturbate so I grabbed my phone to call the police.  He went behind the door just as the elevator arrived.  The police answered the phone, I gave them his description, and they said they'd send someone by... 

I got to my apartment with my heart pounding and the image of the man's eyes burned into my brain.  I was safe.  ...though, pretty shook up.  

I didn't know what to do.... I closed the blinds and sat on the couch with the cats, trying to be strong.  I remembered the business card from earlier and decided to look up the video.  As it turns out, the 70 year old push up man was the nice man who changed my tire. 

Does the darkness define the light? 

Rilke

...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903

in Letters to a Young Poet