We were at a little restaurant in downtown. I had just congratulated a friend on her storefront opening and was taking a sip of soda when I heard a man's voice say aggressively, "Give me that." A man waiting to be seated with his girlfriend responded with a, "What?", and I looked over and saw a man with a mask and (what looked like) a small semi-automatic gun standing next to me. 

The gun looked like a toy. I could take it from him, I thought, but there was another man behind the man with the gun and I didn't know if he also had a gun. And, if I grabbed the gun and it went off, could I hurt someone? Was it too risky? 

The people who worked there took off running into the kitchen. I looked at the people at my table and in the rest of the restaurant -- everyone had frozen with their eyes cast down. I sat back slightly in my chair to feel the strap of my purse on my back and, as I did, the man with the gun looked at me, and said, "Give me that." as he took my purse. Then he took stuff from a couple more people, and then they left.

The girls at the table next to ours started crying. 

When chaos hits I tend to get really clear. I can feel the energy of what's going on around me, but, it's like, it doesn't touch me -- and, I start playing out scenarios quickly in my mind. I can see the path through to the end, and can usually do something about it without getting too rattled. And, then, exhaustion/emotion hits later. 

In this case, the endgame felt too dire for action, so later was full of emotion, anger, frustration... and, I couldn't stop replaying the moment of wanting to take the gun and then every possible outcome. The aftermath left me hyper vigilant, while anxiety started to grow in my chest until it hurt. 

I found out that people tend to have 2 reactions to this kind of story. 1. Wanting to know how I am. 2. Wanting to know every detail of the incident. Something I learned is when people need to know every detail, the replay becomes louder. Fortunately, my sister-in-law had a technique that helped me move through the trauma and break up the pain, allowing me to turn the volume back down and feel less on guard. 

Now, everywhere I go, the thought of getting robbed crosses my mind. 

Visits!

Katie and I were trying to get one final picture by the Bay at the end of her quick weekend visit. We sat on a rock (we had just seen a squirrel duck behind) and tried to focus the camera to catch a bit of the skyline of the city. Katie waved her hand in front the camera to trigger the shot, and right at that moment it felt like the squirrel started nipping at my ankle!! 😱😱😱🤣🤣🤣

Oh, man, this visit was full of adventures, from Hermes of Paris, to one of the weirdest shows we'd ever seen. It had laughter, music, shopping, and lots of my friends! 

The list 

• Stoa 
• Harold Ray - Matt's band
• Hermes of Paris
• Oliver People's
• Outerlands
• Ocean Beach 
• Cellarmaker - Brian and Teresa's goodbye
• Asaka Sushi 
• Cassette Roulette 
• Walking Epiphany by the Bay
• Cafe M 
• 4th St. 

A couple weeks before, Pam came to visit for a long weekend! I had been missing Pam time, and to have her all to myself (well, mostly) was such a gift! Pam is the kind of person who brings quality to things just by being there. 

The list

• Jack London Square / Plank
• Yin Ji Chang Fen - dim sum
• Potus at Berkeley Rep
• Dear San Francisco - Club Fugazi
• North Beach stroll 
• Stoa - w/ John! 
• The Castro Fountain
• Ted Lasso
• Cafe Réveille
• 4th St

It's been nice having the energy of friends in my place over the last couple of months! 

Adventure

I've gotten in some good local adventures lately. The Down in the Valley Music Festival in Napa, Flower Piano at the Botanical Gardens in SF, The Mavericks Music Festival in Half Moon Bay, and the Mill Valley Film Festival! I feel like the end of summer in the Bay Area is always so full of art and awesome things to do outdoors. 

And, Stacey came to visit!! 

Stacey's nephew, Dean, has started the FOOD ALLERGY KAYAK BASS FISHING FUNDRAISER TOURNAMENT in Clear Lake, so Stacey came out to help -- and then I got to spend a couple of days with her! :) Stacey is one of the best people I know and it had been way too long since we'd seen each other. 

Here's the list: 

• Autumn Moon Art and Wine Festival, Lafayette
• Greens Restaurant - Stacey's in person birthday dinner! 
• Walking Cesar Chavez Park w/ Epiphany 
• Google SF, lunch and a little tour
• Ferry Building 
• Fisherman's Wharf  
• Stoa 
• Trader Joe's
• Cafe Réveille 

I'm so very grateful for my friendship/sisterhood with Stacey! 

Falling

I carry an extremely large and heavy backpack for work. The other day, one of our producers was commenting on it. 

Producer: That backpack is as big as you are. 

Me: I know, it's really big. 

Producer: No, it's like, literally, much bigger than your torso. It's huge. 

Me: Yeah, and it holds everything... computer, purse, water bottle, cables for everything, multiple sets of headphones, an extra jacket, sometimes over night items...  it's heavy.

Shortly after that, I left to go across the street to another building that has a giant concrete staircase you have to climb to get to the front door. On the way up the stairs, I realized that the back of my dress might be hiked up a bit from the backpack and, since I was on stairs, it might be worth checking. So, while I was still climbing the stairs, l sort of bent forward to reach around to the back of my dress to pull it down a little -- but, when I leaned, because I was in motion, the weight of my backpack took me off balance and I started to stumble forward up the stairs. I was doing my best to catch myself, but I quickly I knew I couldn't recover... I was about to fall, so I did my best to not fall super hard or slip on the stairs, got my hand on a step, tweaked my wrist a bit, and was able to fall without too much damage aside from feeling REALLY STUPID and, contrary to my original effort, probably flashing anyone who might've been watching. I got up, laughed to myself a little, and went into the building. 

The next day I told the producer what happened. She laughed and laughed and said she falls all the time too, haha. I also told a co-worker of mine, and when I finished he said, 

Co-worker: Did anyone see you fall? Did you look around?

Me: I have no idea. No one was nearby, but I didn't really look around.

Co-worker: Do you see this (he holds up a small black rubber ring looking thing)?

Me: Yes.  

 

Co-worker: So, I saw this over there in the corner and, when I went down to pick it up, I fell right over. 

Me: What?

Co-worker: Yeah, I fell right on my face, just fell right over. But, I popped up and looked around and no one saw me.

Me: (speechless confusion face)

Co-worker: I'm only telling you this because of the story you just told me, but no one saw me. 

Me:  😂😂😂

Summertime

This is the view from the second floor loft into the main room of Mel's lake house in Michigan. I got to join the second annual week long NoMi Rendezvous again this year (we named it this year, and I'm not positive she's making it annual)! :) It's a beautiful space to stay, and was where we spent most of our time. Activity list: New pontoon boat, paddle boarding, kayaking, water colors, yoga, cooking, we saw a weasel!, beautiful sunsets, and lots of hanging around and connecting. We ended this year with a movie night back in Traverse City. 

Then on to Colorado I went to spend a week with my family and to celebrate my dad's 75 birthday! The highlights include: Dad's birthday dinner at Restaurant 1858 (which was right at the base of Seven Falls, pictured here), rescuing Todd and Joy from falling off the raft (and after the boat broke on boat day), hanging out with Joy in the pool at the club (where I think she swam for 3 hours straight!), getting to see some old friends and parts of their families (Mark, Katie, Wendy), Joshua's soccer practices (he's really good!), and just getting some positive and easy family time. 💖

Connect

Gray Area in San Francisco had this incredible exhibit by Rafael Lozano-Hemmer called, Techs-Mechs: A Survey of Mexican Technological Culture. It demonstrated the use of technology to connect people in these beautiful and creative ways with substantive depth that revealed itself with a little time and attention. 

You could play and mess up a screen full of text, and then realize you were playing in political articles and disrupting the story. A heart beat could be heard and seen through an expansive display of hanging lights, and then another heart beat could be combined with it to create new patterns and sounds. 

There was also a short documentary showing how the artist was able to use light beams to transfer sound across the Mexican boarder. People on either side could talk to each other and learn of each other's experiences. 

I often think of ways I could use art to transcend boundaries and bring people together, and this exhibit did it in such a touching, fun, and inspiring way. 

Thank you, Rafael Lozano-Hemmer. 🙏

Family time

A quick trip to Colorado for Mother's Day meant I also got to spend some time with my niece and nephew! They are 4 and 6 now, and are learning and growing up fast. 

What a gift to be able to spend Mother's Day with my mom this year. 💗 

A Visit to the Circus

Lessons learned: 

• Chinese Mexican food is pretty good when you order what you want
• Eating a taste bud exploding flower makes a drink more fun
• Finding the pizza is better than the actual pizza 
• If you don't want to be called to stage, make faces or don't look at the host
• Old town is sometimes just old, with a few delightful finds 
• There's a lot to see when walking 
• The producer in me takes over my mind when watching a performance that's cool but could be done better
• Smell the oysters before you eat them 
• Giant Connect Four is nice by a pool 
• Okay pasta is still very filling 
• Okay Mexican food doesn't matter in good company 
• Perfect seats are a gift 
• A chef who knows chefs may get a lot of extra food delivered to the table for his birthday dinner

:)

YUM

Just looking at this photo makes my mouth water... I had taken a few bites before snapping it, which is why the dish is not as beautiful as it was when it was presented to me. I think it tasted even better than it looks, though, because that brown stuff was some kind of special addiction sauce. 😋

J- is a chef -- and, he is extremely talented and I feel spoiled all the time now even when he "basically does nothing". 

I'll never eat the same again. 

Passion Flower

The Passion Flower looks like it's from another planet to me. It's so unique and layered and interesting!  

~~~

I threw a birthday party on the rooftop deck again this year, but this time I invited all of my closest local friends. I sent out the invite 4 days before, promised to serve beer and popcorn only, and somehow managed to have 24 people show up! It was a fun and chaotic, chilly gathering turned house warming party (as the group thinned and could be moved into the warmer confines of my condo). People brought snacks and flowers and drinks and energy to share and it was quite a lovely time. 

Then, that evening, the guy I started dating (excused from the afternoon barrage) greeted me with flowers and took me out to The Progress for an incredible and indulgent dinner. 💖

I'll also report that Valentine's Day was sweet with the guy, including another a nice meal, a forgotten poem, a delivered poem, and a beautiful nighttime walk to the top of Bernal Hill. 

I feel fortunate and grateful for all of the people who've made me feel so special in the last few weeks. 

Seasons

On the day after Christmas, my dad slipped on some ice while trying to get into a car. He managed to keep himself from falling, but whipped his head back and forth in a way that resulted in a serious vertebrae fracture at the top of his spine where it connects to the skull. We learned that he was in need of emergency surgery and, because of the location of the fracture, a neurosurgeon would need to be called in to do the procedure. We also learned that the surgery was risky, given the location of the fracture and my dad's current health conditions. 

I sat with my parents before my dad was to be wheeled off to the operating room. My parents held hands and spoke quietly while I tried not to cry. When it was time to go, my dad gave me a big hug and said, "Make sure to take good care of your mom.". 

The surgical team said they would update us via text at each stage of the surgery so, for the next 4 hours, every text that came through held both anxiety and comfort, until the final one that said the surgery was complete and everything went great. ! 

The next few days had a lot of ups and downs with symptoms that could indicate something critical or something normal. Luckily, we landed on normal every time. 

The last month has continued this trend... It's been challenging and exhausting, with many unexpected wins, and my dad has remained strong and present every step of the way. 

It's been inspiring to see my dad focused on the future and on his hopes to getting back to the things that he loves. Even when he's not feeling well, his hope remains strong. 

Divine intervention

On the day we made the offer, my realtor and I thought I had my condo in the bag. I had great credit, a great job, a great down payment, friends in the building -- and, my offer was nicely above asking. When we found out someone had made an almost identical offer as mine, we were pretty surprised, but I decided to go for it with my full budget to make sure I would get the place. 

Later that day, my realtor called to tell me that the other party raised their offer by the exact same amount I did (WHAT?!), but they added a contingency...  The sellers hadn't made a decision to accept my offer, though, and she wasn't sure why (I had no contingencies). My realtor talked to the seller's realtor, and it sounded like they were very interested in the numbers, and that offering just a little more might secure the deal. !! 

I was frustrated. And at the top of my budget. And single, and it was late so I couldn't even call anyone to talk about it. I tried talking to my cat, which, of course, was like talking to a cat... I could just wait and hope that they picked me based on the contingency, but was that risky? Especially, when the place seemed perfect for me. 

I grabbed my laundry from down the hall from a machine that was often broken, and while I was putting things away and hating doing laundry down the hall, I heard some tapping in the kitchen. I thought my cat was doing something weird but, when I went to look, I found dirty water actively falling from the ceiling onto my kitchen counter... 

I lived on the third floor of a 3 story building built in the '70s. Part of my place was under the roof, and part of it was under the penthouse on the roof. At times when it would rain, the ceiling that was under the roof would leak, fall in, or would be in danger of falling in. In the later years, when a leak would begin, building management would preventively pull down a panel and work to manage the water flow with plastic, duct tape, a hose, and a bucket, which would kind of work, until it didn't. After the last leaky ceiling incident, I swore to myself that I would not be living in that place the next time the ceiling fell in! 

On this particular night, IT WASN'T EVEN RAINING, so I called my realtor and told her to add an extra 2k.  

The sellers accepted my offer mid morning on the following day and now I live in a wonderful little condo, and I am SO GRATEFUL that I live in a warm and safe place EVERY TIME IT RAINS... !!! 

...which is right now, and for the last two weeks, and predicted for the next week. 

🙏

2022

Have you ever been caught in the ocean where the waves just keep knocking you down over and over, and just when you think you can breathe again, another one comes. But, you're in the water, and it's fluid and unpredictable and glorious, and it's exactly where you chose to be...