Holidaze

I walked outside, threw on my hood and, as I shielded my face from the rain, looked down and saw this.... A baby owl lying by a tree next to the sidewalk.  It looked like it was comfortably sleeping, having deep, peaceful dreams.  It's eyes were closed, and feathers looked fresh, soft, and fluffy, like they had just been cleaned -- dirt and weather not having soiled them a bit.  I wanted to touch them.  I stood, gazing at the owl for a minute, before realizing it must be dead.  ...a sad sight, yet strangely beautiful.  I looked around wondering why no one else seemed to see it -- was it real?  ...a baby owl on the side of a busy street in the middle of San Francisco...?  

I've been reading a book called A Visit From The Goon Squad.  It's written like a bunch of short stories taking you through generations of people connected through the New York and San Francisco music scenes...but, what it's really about is relationships, being young, growing up, getting old, and remembering those moments that change your life forever.  It's the movement of life wrapped in pure nostalgia.

I flew to Colorado for Christmas late last night.  My flight was delayed due to the weather in San Francisco so I didn't get to my parents house until 4am MT.  I hadn't really slept the night before, so it was a long day... But, it was/is nice to be "home" -- even though it's like entering a life I once knew where I'm supposed to fit a mold I broke a long time ago.  My life doesn't resemble anything close to what I imagined it would when I was a kid.  I realize this happens to everyone but, when I'm in a moment like this, of realization, I become acutely aware of the person I thought I would be, and my absolute distance/experience from that person... From the mold.  I couldn't fit back into it if I tried, and I don't think I'd want to, but... from time to time...I long for it.

Rainy Sunday

I've been sick (off and on) for a week, and have become very accustomed to this view. 

I took the week off, for what was supposed to be a nice little stay-cation, and then I got sick last Sunday.  I guess I'm thankful that, since I was sick, I was in the comfort of my own home instead of being off on a real vacation. 

I did manage to slip in a nice dinner with Matt, Jessica, and little Wilder in the middle of the week, and I got to spend a sleepy day with Aatman while he studied.  Aatman and I also made it out to a couple of Christmas parties on Saturday night - one of which was a really lovely time at the Michaels'. 

Today, has been a rainy, chilly Sunday.  I've been nursing my stomach and watching movies all day. 

I love the color of the changing leaves outside my balcony.

Tired

Joe's been letting me sleep on his couch between work and soccer, which has been amazing, especially for our late games.  Tonight, I took this picture of Pei mid nap. 

The last couple of weeks have been exhausting.  The film takes a lot out of me, especially after a full day's work.  Add to that, a social schedule, and I'm barely standing.  I've been back at soccer, had a fun double date with Michelle and Joseph, had a nice dinner with Star, got to catch up with Joan, saw A Christmas Carol with Anna, shot a very small role to help a friend out with his student film, and had some great quality time with Aatman. 

I am very tired...  Although, right at this moment, I can't seem to sleep... 

Post show... blues?

Film rehearsals started the day after the show closed.  Perfect, crazy, timing... and then, I went to the Hip Hip Dance Fest!  I know I've said this before, but I love the Hip Hop Dance Fest!  It is one of my favorite San Francisco shows!!!  I bought a ticket to the only performance of the weekend I could make. :)  ILL-Abilities almost had me in tears, but the Academy of Villains remains at the top of my list.  They, alone, were worth the price of admission.  CJ is not only an exceptional choreographer, he is a charismatic, creative, and inventive performer.  I HEART.

After the weekend, I ended up with a couple days to breathe and get my life back in order, and then Thanksgiving!  

Thanksgiving was spent with Maureen and Dave and their family up in San Rafael.  It was so nice to spend time with them and watch little Lily run around the house all day.  :) 

The show closed on a rainy San Francisco night last night to a small, appreciative crowd.  A perfect ending to great show... 

Twelfth Night

I'm sitting backstage near the end of show 3 of 7.  When this night is over, I'll have 3 days off in a row -- I can't wait!

The hardest part of theatre is going from work to show to sleep to work to show to sleep -- for what seems to be forever.  The weekends help a bit, but still don't feel like your own... It's a hard process -- though filled with so many things that I love.

:)

...and, I've found that place where I'm proud of the work I've done. 

A time to eat

One new variable in your routine can change everything.

I've recently added three.  Big ones.  I've already mentioned them.

The boy. 
The play. 
The film.

All of these things require my heart, my undivided attention, complete vulnerability, and significant amounts of time....

First of all, it's a drastic shift to go from singledom to boyfriendland.  The process is invigorating and challenging, and this particular relationship makes me feel like I'm in a perpetual state of shock.  ...but, in a good way.  :)

The play has been a process, but we're getting there.  It's now in nightly rehearsals, which will lead us straight into tech week, and then it opens for a two week run.  I've finally invited people to come, but I'm very nervous about it.

Once the show is over, I jump straight into film rehearsals.  I'm exited about the film, but I'm not really sure what to expect from it.

I just canceled EIGHT for December because I already feel in way over my head...

...and, I'm really missing some of my friends that I never really see enough of to begin with....  

A fairytale

It was a magically perfect October day in the mountains of Colorado... The sun was out, the skies were impossibly blue, and my brother and his soon-to-be wife gathered the most generous and loving group of people together to witness their commitment and dedication to one another. 

Todd wanted to find the perfect girl and, with his standards, it was no easy feat... but, it was well worth the wait because he found her.  :)

Here's to wishes for a happily ever after! 

A Lovely Day

I've been meaning to write about a documentary I saw with Maureen and Aatman called A Lovely Day, but I can't seem to find the right words to describe it. It's about these Oakland kids and, after living in Oakland for as long as I have, I've found that there are some things you just have to experience to really understand.  The film seemed to capture that somehow.  

The director of photography was a guy I used to live with back in my West Oakland/Dogtown days.

The golden hour

Home for Todd's wedding! 

It's been a year and a half since I've been home, and I somehow forgot how clear the skies were at night. 

How could I forget so many stars....?

You look like a rabbit

my version:  

After eating a gourmet style burger, Aatman sat across from me slumped slightly in his chair with his elbow resting on the table.  He peered at me over the ruins of our meal as he chomped on a big piece of lettuce that was used as garnish for his burger....

Me:  "You look like a rabbit."

Aatman:  ...  "YOU look like a rabbit." 

his edits: 

After eating a gourmet style burger, Aatman sat across from me slumped slightly in his chair with his elbow resting on the table. In a somewhat pensive mood, he inadvertently picked up a piece of lettuce used as garnish and gnawed insipidly at it while waiting for the check.

Me: "You look like a rabbit."

He snapped out of his trance and peered quizzically at me over the ruins of our meal at what had seemed to be a discordant characterization.

Aatman: "... YOU look like a rabbit."


*heart*

By the bay

Taking a break by the bay to enjoy the gorgeous weather....

I'm sitting on the pier by the stadium and there are a couple of half naked guys in a boat next to me blasting Don't Stop Believing.  Of course.

I was just offered the starring role in a paid short film project where I'll play an FBI agent.  This time I get to do some good fighting on screen.  I'm pretty excited about it.  We'll shoot the film after the first of the year. 

I'm also presently working on a theatre production of the Twelfth Night that will go up in November. 

I'm starting to think I should skip the December installment of 8 and start again in February.... hmmmmm.  We'll see. 

Things that make me laugh uncontrollably, part 1

I was sitting by a fire in the woods with my church youth group and someone decided we should tell scary stories.... I hate scary stories, so I plugged my ears so I wouldn't have to hear them.  Matthew got up and started going on and on about the Silver Fox -- which, supposedly, was a fox that roamed the woods and killed kids, or something like that...  All of a sudden, everyone jumped up and ran to the other side of the fire except me and my friend Lance.  They were laughing and pointing, and when I unplugged my ears they said, "Lance farted really loud and you couldn't hear it because your ears were plugged!!!!"  

Down the rabbit hole.

Sometimes, you have to follow the rabbit to see the woods.

... or something like that ...


I'm guessing you've gathered that I have a boyfriend.

I would like you to know that he is amazing, and that I feel very lucky. :) ...even though the whole thing kind of twists my brain up...