The eye of the storm

"The eye is a region of mostly calm weather at the center of a tropical cyclone."

We've had a situation in my building for the past few months. 

It began in March, with a new tenant's annoying angry rants on our building's digital message board, and then escalated in June with violent DMs -- which eventually led to police reports, restraining orders, and an arrest (that was separate from the incidents in our building!). What. A. Nightmare.

The ability for one person's misery, to spread misery throughout a community and beyond, is staggering. 

At one point, my anxiety was so high that I was fighting off panic attacks and crying at work. I eventually had to move myself and Epiphany in with J- to regain some sense of safety and balance and to remind myself that the world wasn't full of awful people. It took a couple of weeks and a couple of preplanned trips away for me to stop finding people who resembled this person triggering. 

I stayed with J- for a month total, during which time the tenant was arrested, and an unlawful detainer summons was served to move toward an eviction. 

We threw a little party on the roof to mark the day the eviction was to be made official, and to give the building a moment to come together to commiserate and celebrate. I returned to the building for the party and moved back into my place a week later. 

About a week after I moved back in, the notice to vacate was posted on the tenant's door making the eviction official.  

We believe all of this will be behind us soon but, in the course of the trauma it's caused, the board member and the landlord who were updating us have stopped communicating -- and, asking for updates has not been responded to well. 

The tenant has not returned to the building since the arrest. 

A few lessons learned, in case they're helpful: 

• Renting to the wrong person can be expensive, time consuming, and traumatic -- always do thorough background and reference checks
• If you can (I'm not a lawyer, so research will be needed to execute on this suggestion), add language to your lease stating that it can be terminated for not paying rent, harassment, criminal behavior, etc.
• A digital message board can reveal someone's mental health and criminal behavior
• Removing someone from a digital message board at the right time can be important for everyone's mental health
• You have to file police reports if you want the police to help
• There will be a point at which you'll wish you had filed them sooner so filing early is worth it, even though it may feel scary
• If you know someone could be a threat and you don't file a police report, you could be held liable for not reporting them if they hurt someone
• If someone is mentally ill, but hasn't shown aggression in person, it's best to treat them normally if you come face to face
• Acting upset may trigger them
• Thinking of them as a child throwing a tantrum might help
• Removing yourself from a situation for your own mental health is worth it
• It's easy to get caught up in fear, anger, and hate when you've been attacked 
• Finding ways to process and let go is critical
• Taking care of yourself and getting the right kind of support should be a priority

Epiphany_immacat

Epiphany, is a cat, and "a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something. An intuitive grasp. An illuminating discovery." Epiphany the cat, is epiphany. 

Follow epiphany_immacat on Instragram! She's a beautiful, extremely playful, very talkative little monkey button. ...and, she doesn't like to be called a monkey button... 😂

Vegas baby!

My friend Holly said that her uncle was a famous pop star in Taiwan and he was having a concert in Vegas in April. Her aunt decided to make it a family reunion of sorts and Holly was allowed to invite friends, so she invited me and her friend Clara! We stayed at the Wynn, were treated to the concert, some lovely lunches at Red 8, the Sphere Experience, and some late night delicious food at Wing Lei! We also got in some time at the pool, dinner at Casa Playa, a bit of gambling, the Neon Museum, a quick dip into Club XS, and a quick trip to the Taco Bell Cantina. :) 

Everything

I found this room in the upstairs corner of Saint Joseph's during a chaotic performance art event. The room was quiet. Isolating. Sad.

Ironic -- in that way I suppose it was meant to be. 

Back to Art

I've seen a lot of great art in the last month. 

First, I got to see a play I did fight work on called Bees & Honey. When my boyfriend asked me what it was about, I responded, "It's about a relationship, but it doesn't really matter what it's about because the actors are so great you can't stop watching them!". The actors in the show were fantastic and absolutely lovely to work with, and the show was about the ups and downs of a relationship. It was beautiful. We also had a great crew all around. I felt quite fortunate to be a part of it. 

Then, I watched American Fiction, which was hilarious, thought provoking, so meta, and so great... I haven't had a movie watching experience like that in a long time. :) 

There was also an epic karaoke night for Jessica's birthday, and a mostly missed but beautiful Chinese New Year parade, and then Flatstock 91. 

Flatstock 91 was this cool little exhibit of band poster art from around the world (? at least around the country. :) ) where visual art meets music marketing in little booths where artists display and talk about the work that they've done. What a unique and inspiring body of work! 

Then I got to see Big Data on stage at ACT. Big Data was topical and confrontational, and a show I will continue to think about for a long time because the ending wasn't clear haha. :) Or was it, and it's still sinking in... 

I got in a night with the Waters to see Wilder's all city band concert, and then Kooza! 

Kooza is the latest Cirque show touring the Bay and, like all tent shows, it had moments in it that completely blew my mind!! Wow, always a great night out. 

And, there was a super fun Oscar party / dance party, a yummy meal at San Ho Wan, an Oakland Roots game, and finally Dune, Part 2, which was very long, beautifully acted, and beautifully shot. 

Birthdays

Some years I throw a party. Most years I keep it simple (especially if I have a boyfriend who will spoil me a bit). My birthday this year was a sweet night out with J- where we ate too much spicy food and ended up with slight stomach aches. 😋😅 Along with dinner, he got me flowers and tickets for us to see MJ! 💖 I also had some small celebrations with other friends throughout the week and it was quite lovely all around. I'm really grateful for the people in my life who make an effort to make me feel special. ✨

And, then, we crashed my parents's vacation to celebrate my mom's 75th birthday! 

When I asked my mom what she wanted to do for her 75th, she said we could plan something for a couple weeks after because she'd be heading to Arizona. My parents take a 2 week vacation to Arizona with my aunt and uncle every year, and this year the vacation started on my mom's birthday. I decided to plot with my brother to see if we could manage crashing the vacation to celebrate with her on the day. Todd and Michelle said they could make it work and my aunt and uncle were thrilled by the idea, so we all headed to Arizona on flights that landed a few hours before my parents and surprised my mom when she arrived at the place they were staying. It was perfect, and a lovely impromptu family vacation for a couple days! My mom (and dad!) was very surprised and said it was her best birthday ever. Since it's been 75 years, I guess that means we did a good job. 😄

2023

2023 had love, transition, epic hikes, reconnections, great art, concerts, visitors, boundaries, transformation, challenges, scary moments, hilarious moments, great food, family, unexpected victories, friends, easy holidays, and one very silly cute cat. 😸

We were at a little restaurant in downtown. I had just congratulated a friend on her storefront opening and was taking a sip of soda when I heard a man's voice say aggressively, "Give me that." A man waiting to be seated with his girlfriend responded with a, "What?", and I looked over and saw a man with a mask and (what looked like) a small semi-automatic gun standing next to me. 

The gun looked like a toy. I could take it from him, I thought, but there was another man behind the man with the gun and I didn't know if he also had a gun. And, if I grabbed the gun and it went off, could I hurt someone? Was it too risky? 

The people who worked there took off running into the kitchen. I looked at the people at my table and in the rest of the restaurant -- everyone had frozen with their eyes cast down. I sat back slightly in my chair to feel the strap of my purse on my back and, as I did, the man with the gun looked at me, and said, "Give me that." as he took my purse. Then he took stuff from a couple more people, and then they left.

The girls at the table next to ours started crying. 

When chaos hits I tend to get really clear. I can feel the energy of what's going on around me, but, it's like, it doesn't touch me -- and, I start playing out scenarios quickly in my mind. I can see the path through to the end, and can usually do something about it without getting too rattled. And, then, exhaustion/emotion hits later. 

In this case, the endgame felt too dire for action, so later was full of emotion, anger, frustration... and, I couldn't stop replaying the moment of wanting to take the gun and then every possible outcome. The aftermath left me hyper vigilant, while anxiety started to grow in my chest until it hurt. 

I found out that people tend to have 2 reactions to this kind of story. 1. Wanting to know how I am. 2. Wanting to know every detail of the incident. Something I learned is when people need to know every detail, the replay becomes louder. Fortunately, my sister-in-law had a technique that helped me move through the trauma and break up the pain, allowing me to turn the volume back down and feel less on guard. 

Now, everywhere I go, the thought of getting robbed crosses my mind. 

Visits!

Katie and I were trying to get one final picture by the Bay at the end of her quick weekend visit. We sat on a rock (we had just seen a squirrel duck behind) and tried to focus the camera to catch a bit of the skyline of the city. Katie waved her hand in front the camera to trigger the shot, and right at that moment it felt like the squirrel started nipping at my ankle!! 😱😱😱🤣🤣🤣

Oh, man, this visit was full of adventures, from Hermes of Paris, to one of the weirdest shows we'd ever seen. It had laughter, music, shopping, and lots of my friends! 

The list 

• Stoa 
• Harold Ray - Matt's band
• Hermes of Paris
• Oliver People's
• Outerlands
• Ocean Beach 
• Cellarmaker - Brian and Teresa's goodbye
• Asaka Sushi 
• Cassette Roulette 
• Walking Epiphany by the Bay
• Cafe M 
• 4th St. 

A couple weeks before, Pam came to visit for a long weekend! I had been missing Pam time, and to have her all to myself (well, mostly) was such a gift! Pam is the kind of person who brings quality to things just by being there. 

The list

• Jack London Square / Plank
• Yin Ji Chang Fen - dim sum
• Potus at Berkeley Rep
• Dear San Francisco - Club Fugazi
• North Beach stroll 
• Stoa - w/ John! 
• The Castro Fountain
• Ted Lasso
• Cafe Réveille
• 4th St

It's been nice having the energy of friends in my place over the last couple of months! 

Adventure

I've gotten in some good local adventures lately. The Down in the Valley Music Festival in Napa, Flower Piano at the Botanical Gardens in SF, The Mavericks Music Festival in Half Moon Bay, and the Mill Valley Film Festival! I feel like the end of summer in the Bay Area is always so full of art and awesome things to do outdoors. 

And, Stacey came to visit!! 

Stacey's nephew, Dean, has started the FOOD ALLERGY KAYAK BASS FISHING FUNDRAISER TOURNAMENT in Clear Lake, so Stacey came out to help -- and then I got to spend a couple of days with her! :) Stacey is one of the best people I know and it had been way too long since we'd seen each other. 

Here's the list: 

• Autumn Moon Art and Wine Festival, Lafayette
• Greens Restaurant - Stacey's in person birthday dinner! 
• Walking Cesar Chavez Park w/ Epiphany 
• Google SF, lunch and a little tour
• Ferry Building 
• Fisherman's Wharf  
• Stoa 
• Trader Joe's
• Cafe Réveille 

I'm so very grateful for my friendship/sisterhood with Stacey! 

Falling

I carry an extremely large and heavy backpack for work. The other day, one of our producers was commenting on it. 

Producer: That backpack is as big as you are. 

Me: I know, it's really big. 

Producer: No, it's like, literally, much bigger than your torso. It's huge. 

Me: Yeah, and it holds everything... computer, purse, water bottle, cables for everything, multiple sets of headphones, an extra jacket, sometimes over night items...  it's heavy.

Shortly after that, I left to go across the street to another building that has a giant concrete staircase you have to climb to get to the front door. On the way up the stairs, I realized that the back of my dress might be hiked up a bit from the backpack and, since I was on stairs, it might be worth checking. So, while I was still climbing the stairs, l sort of bent forward to reach around to the back of my dress to pull it down a little -- but, when I leaned, because I was in motion, the weight of my backpack took me off balance and I started to stumble forward up the stairs. I was doing my best to catch myself, but I quickly I knew I couldn't recover... I was about to fall, so I did my best to not fall super hard or slip on the stairs, got my hand on a step, tweaked my wrist a bit, and was able to fall without too much damage aside from feeling REALLY STUPID and, contrary to my original effort, probably flashing anyone who might've been watching. I got up, laughed to myself a little, and went into the building. 

The next day I told the producer what happened. She laughed and laughed and said she falls all the time too, haha. I also told a co-worker of mine, and when I finished he said, 

Co-worker: Did anyone see you fall? Did you look around?

Me: I have no idea. No one was nearby, but I didn't really look around.

Co-worker: Do you see this (he holds up a small black rubber ring looking thing)?

Me: Yes.  

 

Co-worker: So, I saw this over there in the corner and, when I went down to pick it up, I fell right over. 

Me: What?

Co-worker: Yeah, I fell right on my face, just fell right over. But, I popped up and looked around and no one saw me.

Me: (speechless confusion face)

Co-worker: I'm only telling you this because of the story you just told me, but no one saw me. 

Me:  😂😂😂

Summertime

This is the view from the second floor loft into the main room of Mel's lake house in Michigan. I got to join the second annual week long NoMi Rendezvous again this year (we named it this year, and I'm not positive she's making it annual)! :) It's a beautiful space to stay, and was where we spent most of our time. Activity list: New pontoon boat, paddle boarding, kayaking, water colors, yoga, cooking, we saw a weasel!, beautiful sunsets, and lots of hanging around and connecting. We ended this year with a movie night back in Traverse City. 

Then on to Colorado I went to spend a week with my family and to celebrate my dad's 75 birthday! The highlights include: Dad's birthday dinner at Restaurant 1858 (which was right at the base of Seven Falls, pictured here), rescuing Todd and Joy from falling off the raft (and after the boat broke on boat day), hanging out with Joy in the pool at the club (where I think she swam for 3 hours straight!), getting to see some old friends and parts of their families (Mark, Katie, Wendy), Joshua's soccer practices (he's really good!), and just getting some positive and easy family time. 💖

Connect

Gray Area in San Francisco had this incredible exhibit by Rafael Lozano-Hemmer called, Techs-Mechs: A Survey of Mexican Technological Culture. It demonstrated the use of technology to connect people in these beautiful and creative ways with substantive depth that revealed itself with a little time and attention. 

You could play and mess up a screen full of text, and then realize you were playing in political articles and disrupting the story. A heart beat could be heard and seen through an expansive display of hanging lights, and then another heart beat could be combined with it to create new patterns and sounds. 

There was also a short documentary showing how the artist was able to use light beams to transfer sound across the Mexican boarder. People on either side could talk to each other and learn of each other's experiences. 

I often think of ways I could use art to transcend boundaries and bring people together, and this exhibit did it in such a touching, fun, and inspiring way. 

Thank you, Rafael Lozano-Hemmer. 🙏

Family time

A quick trip to Colorado for Mother's Day meant I also got to spend some time with my niece and nephew! They are 4 and 6 now, and are learning and growing up fast. 

What a gift to be able to spend Mother's Day with my mom this year. 💗