Red

Welcome to unemployment week 4.  It's been a crazy journey.  I've started a newsletter for friends and family who check in frequently because I can't remember who I've told what, and forgetting to tell Aatman something while repeating it over and over to my mom is just frustrating for everyone.

If you're reading this and would like to be added to the newsletter... let me know.

I keep thinking I'm close to the end, and then a curve ball is thrown at me and I feel back at the beginning again.  I get excited about a place, and then it's just not the right fit.

I have no idea how long this will go or how it will end, which makes me nervous because I'm not sure how much longer I can do it... but, I know I just have to keep going until something lands.

*sigh*

At what point do I take a job to have a job... ? 

Bottle #20

I just went up and down these stairs for 20 minutes.  After about 10 minutes, the flawed stair became my favorite.  Around the same time, a homeless man in the garden started making bird calls with his hands.  On my last flight, the homeless man gave me a subtle smile and peace sign. 

:)

Decisions

One thing I learned doing sales is it's all about the numbers -- if you make the calls, you'll make the numbers.  I made the calls...  

It's weird going from anxiety dreams about not having anything, to anxiety dreams about making the right decisions.  ...and, how making the wrong decisions might mean going back to the first stage of anxiety dreams. 

My hood

I love my neighborhood.  I've been experiencing it in a very different way over the past couple of weeks and this picture seems to "represent"...  :)

~

I've had 12 formal interview appointments since my last day of work.  In some cases I've had multiple interviews during these appointments and in some cases it was a 2nd or 3rd conversation but, needless to say, it's been a lot.   ...and, this is not to mention interspersed random recruiter calls, networking meetings, and multiple conversations with an old friend who wants to be my new financial advisor...  AND, frequent check-ins with my brother, boyfriend, mom, and one of my best friends.  It's all been good, but it's been crazy.  I'm very ready for the search to be over, but I feel like I still might be a couple weeks out... maybe more?  (God, please don't let it be much more...)

In the meantime, I have started trying to have fun on a budget.  I luckily happen to know people who find things, or get me into things that I love, for free.

One of those things was Black Watch, a relatively expensive show that came to the Bay Area that I had to see...but wasn't sure I could justify paying for while on unemployment.  Fortunately, I happen be on the list of a quite lovely PR friend of a friend who was able to get me comp tickets to the show...!!!  ...and it was perfection!!  It was also just an incredible treat in the middle of a frustrating time.  :)

I've also had the chance to check out some free live music, a cheap indie film night where I got to see a film I worked on, a party in the city, a night at the bar without drinks (though, I do that all the time), and the Greek Festival.  I did splurge and go see The Great Gatsby in 3D for the beginning of a friend's birthday night last night...but, I feel like I've been doing pretty good with my budget.  I still spend a lot of time at home these days, but it's not been so bad, especially because I've been exhausted.  

You are not your job....

I'm watching fight club....which always makes me weirdly proud of my simple lifestyle and the fact that I've never invested in things like curtains.  ?  It also makes me re-fall in love w/ stage combat and, at the moment, feel better about not having a job.  ... not that it changes my desire for one, but it makes me just feel less stressed out I guess.  Which is nice.  

I am Jill's exhausted motivation.

I had two interviews today, both of which were very strange.... I had hoped to end the day with an offer, an acceptance, a job, and a plane ticket to surprise Aatman on a study break, but instead I'm feeling very unsure and like the race has maybe just begun.  Dammit.  

~

Jessica treated me to a punk rock show over the weekend and we happened to run into some old Mass friends while we were there.  It's weird to realize we've all grown up.  Was it really 10 years ago when we were in the thick of The Mass?  When I could screw up every local punk/metal/noise band's name as a vaguely recognizable rendition of the actual name because that was my life... ? 

First Friday

I feel like I've been unemployed for forever, but it's been like 3 days.... (and, only two of those were business days.)

I've had two great interviews and I'm being called back for both.  I have an additional call back from an interview I did a week ago, a new interview booked, and a new interview pending.  I feel....good?  I'm still nervous but, so far, I'm getting call backs for all of my interviews, so I think that's good.

(I just discovered that I'm writing about interviews in audition terms, which is weird -- especially because I find interviews to be a piece of cake compared to auditions... Oh, wait, I also mix up "half time" and "intermission", and "practice" and "rehearsal", so I guess it's not that weird.)

Last night I went out and had fun for the sake of having fun for the first time in about a month.  The purpose wasn't friend encouragement or support, networking, or soccer, it was just fun.  And free fun!  I dusted off my bike, pumped up the tires, and rode down to First Friday to meet Vasilia.  We wandered through the maddening, fascinating crowds of Bay Area'ns into galleries and warehouses packed with sculptures, paintings, handmade jewelry and clothes, food, DJs...and all of the little, big, weird wonderful things that make the Bay Area so freaking special.

:)

I needed that.  

Freedom?

It's weird to have a sense of total freedom and total urgency simultaneously -- especially when the weather outside is exceptional. 

It's my first day of unemployment. 

I woke up, made sure to connect with a few people, had a great interview, and went for a walk to get a bagel and coffee...now I'm laying in my papasan next to an open screen door just listening to my neighborhood.  I kind of want to drag the papasan out onto the balcony, but I'm afraid I'll fall asleep and wake up with spiders all over me...