Dimensions

As mentioned in my last post, I went on 2 preplanned trips during my stay with J-. One to Illinois to see my extended family, and one to Paso Robles to head to Sensorio with a subset of #baybrosandsistas. Both trips were quick and well needed. 

In Illinois, I got to see my grandparents, my aunt and uncle, both of my cousins and my cousin's daughter, my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and my niece and nephew. What a treat to be with all of them together! We played pop up baseball in the yard, chased fireflies, told stories, and we got to see my grandparents new place in assisted living. My grandparents say they don't like the place, but it seems pretty nice, and they have a lot of space. They also have these super light weight wheel walkers that are left at the door so residences can use them to get back and forth, and when my grandparents use the walkers instead of their canes, they go from being slow and wobbly to walking faster than me! 

About a week after I got back from Illinois, Alex, Jason, Jennifer, Cici, Tim, 3 dogs, and I headed off to Paso Robles for a little road trip. It was so hot there (114 degrees!), so we drove out to Pismo Beach during the day, and then had a very warm start to Sensorio that evening. Sensorio has grown and is as magical as ever! And, the warm start to the night led to the perfect temperature to enjoy the exhibit until it closed. Then, we headed back to our Airbnb to play a few games of Monikers which had us laughing until our stomachs hurt. 😂 Before heading back to the Bay, we got in a nice brunch, and a stop at Sculpterra to see the sculpture garden. 

There's nothing like a great time with family and friends to renew your faith in humanity. And, in this circumstance, it was also an important moment for me to realize how truly fortunate I am to be physically and mentally healthy, and to have people in my life who love and support me. ⚘

The eye of the storm

"The eye is a region of mostly calm weather at the center of a tropical cyclone."

We've had a situation in my building for the past few months. 

It began in March, with annoying angry rants on our building's digital message board, and then escalated in June with violent DMs -- which eventually led to police reports, restraining orders, and an arrest (that was separate from the incidents in our building!). What. A. Nightmare.

The ability for one person's misery, to spread misery throughout a community and beyond, is staggering. 

At one point, my anxiety was so high that I was fighting off panic attacks and crying at work. I eventually had to move myself and Epiphany in with J- to regain some sense of safety and balance, and to remind myself that the world wasn't full of awful people. It took a couple of weeks, and a couple of preplanned trips away for me to stop finding people who resembled this person triggering. 

I stayed with J- for a month, during which time the arrest happened and an unlawful detainer summons was served to move toward an eviction. There was also a little party on the roof to mark the day the eviction was to be made official, and to give the building a moment to come together to commiserate and celebrate. 

I came back to the building for the party and moved back into my place a week later. 

About a week after my return, the notice to vacate was posted. 

We believe all of this will be behind us soon but, in the course of the trauma it's caused, the board member and the landlord who were updating us have stopped communicating -- and, asking for updates hasn't been responded to well. 

The person has not returned to the building since the arrest. 

A few lessons learned, in case they're helpful: 

• Renting to the wrong person can be expensive, time consuming, and traumatic -- always do thorough background and reference checks
• If you can (I'm not a lawyer, so research will be needed to execute on this suggestion), add language to your lease stating that it can be terminated for not paying rent, harassment, criminal behavior, etc.
• A digital message board can reveal someone's mental health and criminal behavior
• Removing someone from a digital message board at the right time can be important for everyone's mental health
• You have to file police reports if you want the police to help
• There will be a point at which you'll wish you had filed them sooner so filing early is worth it, even though it may feel scary
• If you know someone could be a threat and you don't file a police report, you could be held liable for not reporting them if they hurt someone
• If someone is mentally ill, but hasn't shown aggression in person, it's best to treat them normally if you come face to face
• Acting upset may trigger them
• Thinking of them as a child throwing a tantrum might help
• Removing yourself from a situation for your own mental health is worth it
• It's easy to get caught up in fear, anger, and hate when you've been attacked 
• Finding ways to process and let go is critical
• Taking care of yourself and getting the right kind of support should be a priority