As I walk out the door, I say to Allison "goodbye - I'm never coming back!". She smiles, I wave...and I find myself with a strange sense of freedom - like maybe I won't go back. What would happen if at this moment I just took what I had with me and left... ?
As my step lightens, I'm all of a sudden hit with this thought of impending doom - that maybe I'll get shot or I'll accidentally walk into traffic (as I'm typing this very moment while I'm walking) and I won't actually go back. Like, I nonchalantly, unintentionally predicted my own death and, when word gets back to the office, after the initial shock wears off, at some point Allison will realize that just before I left I actually said I was never coming back. Now it all seems so significant...
And then someone will discover this - my blog. "Did you know that Kristen was writing about this exact moment (meaning the one right now where you're reading this) just before she died? I feel so uncomfortable and inspired at the same time (this is me channeling you in the first person from my life before death - clever, eh? heh heh - yeah, okay, not really... clever, I mean)".
....
I continue to walk. Nothing's happening to me. No guns. No fire from the sky. Cars are dodging me left and right. I'm strangely invincible... There is a strong smell of tar in the air. I breathe it in deeply.
Making my way back to the office, I start to think, maybe it's good thing that I haven't had scaffolding fall on me. Maybe it's okay to return to the office with a sense of relief that I have survived ...
I say hello to Allison. She acts like she didn't even notice that I said I was never coming back...
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1 comment:
You, I love.
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