Hard news has a way of reshaping reality.
In the past couple of months, I've been managing a close friend's serious illness, a parent's failing health, and an old friend's sudden passing... and, in the midst of the ongoing pandemic it all magnifies, making sure I take stock, and making unnecessary conflict or hardship so evident while still being strangely hard to personally manage.
I was talking to someone the other day who was mad about what appeared to be a misunderstanding. She was actually hurt and scared it was just showing up as mad. I asked her if that's how she wanted to feel. She said, "that's how I've felt for many years...", and I stopped her and gently said, "that's not the question that I asked.". I followed with, "I think given recent circumstances it's clear that we don't know how much time we have; maybe it's worth it to tell him that you're hurt and scared."
Have you seen the movie Raya and the Last Dragon? It points to our human tendency to blame and take and makes a somewhat clumsy case for us to trust and connect instead. Clumsy because the approach is sweet and naive and fails terribly a few times -- but, in the end, it's the only way forward. Almost like, no matter how callow it may seem, you have to just keep doing it until it works. And then it works.
It was Mark Twain that said, “Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth.”
