Sometimes things change, just that fast...

The film went into final shooting two weeks ago (...or was that forever ago, like it feels -- and, have I said much about the film?) with rehearsals and fight training 3 to 4 days/nights a week for a month or so prior in preparation. It was a demanding schedule to maintain alongside a day job -- not to mention playing soccer, spending time with Aatman, seeing other friends, and just regular life things like doing laundry and buying cat litter...

The film ended last Saturday after a long day at the beach.  I left dirty and tired, but incredibly grateful for a challenging and invigorating experience in independent film.  I learned so much working with Ashley (our director) and am anxious to see the final product.  Aatman thinks it's my best work so far, from what he's seen.

I went straight from the beach to Aatman's place to clean up and head out for a double date with Aatman's friend John and his girlfriend Lily. I was exhausted, but we had a fun night.

On Sunday, I took Aatman out for a day of Bay Area love that started with a quick stop at the wave organ and then brunch at the beach.  It was his last full day in town before heading home for almost three months to study for his medical board exams, so we planned to spend every second together exploring and enjoying ourselves.  We headed to Sausalito for the afternoon, and then back into the city for oysters at Hog Island in the Ferry Building.  We ended the day with the sunset and a view of the bridge on Treasure Island where we did a little ritual we created to help us through our time away.  We even caught a bit of the Bay Lights on our way out of town....

Aatman left for Dallas on Monday so, after a few extremely full weeks, I felt like my entire schedule was suddenly open.  I was thinking I'd take advantage of the time by starting new projects, working on the next 8, and catching up with friends -- but, then, Tuesday I was told my job was being eliminated. 

....and, back in the race again.  

I have so much on my mind and so much to do in the next few days.  But, (according to Aria) everything is under my control...and, from a certain perspective, it is.

I have to have faith that everything will work out  ...and, I have to remember that, right now, things are great...

*breathe*

A view I once loved...

They would open the side of the restaurant to the walkway in the summertime.  I remember standing there, watching people walk the mall in the rain with their umbrellas glistening....  I would lose myself in the passing silhouettes -- breathing deep and wondering...what was I doing waitressing in the middle of downtown Denver...?  Everything would shimmer in the afternoon rain.  The buildings, the street, the passers by.... It was a summer full of sleepless nights and cigarettes, and the kind of mismatched company that could land you in any corner of the city...if you were willing to tag along.

"...And if only it was that easy with you by my side, and creepy eyes staring at me over a milkshake with the whipped cream piled too high, and a pitch in my voice that I don't recognize because the atmosphere provided more stimulation than was expected.  And I could hear myself trying to leave but my ass was glued to a plastic chair in a toxic diner in the middle of a city I can't remember how I got to.  And now, on fate is all I can rely....or is it faith....or lack of sleep.".

- Wednesday, August 16, 2000, 5:07am

A local adventure

A quick stop for fresh artichoke garlic herb bread, a visit to a goat farm for the most yum inducing goat cheese, and a lovely picnic at a lighthouse complete with wine and a blanket to keep us warm -er.  To keep us warmer -ish?  It was pretty cold, but completely worth it.  :)

My relationship has its ups and downs, but the ups. are. exceptional. 

to write.

It hasn't come over me in a long time -- the need...though, it's achingly familiar.  I remember, how I used to have to write.  On the sides of coffee cups.  On napkins.  On my leg propped up on a bar...

Right now, I want to write...but, I'm not sure what to say...


"Nothing in the world is how it should be,

It's cold, cruel.

But then there's us. 

It doesn't matter where we're from,
what we've done, or survived.
Or even if we make a difference.

We live as if this place were what it should be,
to show it what it can be.

You may not be a part of it yet,
but we hope you will be."

- The Role Traversal, From Monument To Masses